


Falsified Morality

by gyr0



Category: Fate/Zero, Fate/stay night (Visual Novel)
Genre: M/M, i have no idea what else to tag sorry, theres a lot of murder and violence, theres also sex! wow! stay safe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-25
Updated: 2020-02-26
Packaged: 2021-02-27 22:53:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 16
Words: 37,557
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22903513
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gyr0/pseuds/gyr0
Summary: Kotomine Kirei endures yet another boring semester teaching mediocre students Theology... or perhaps things won't be so boring this time around.
Relationships: Gilgamesh | Archer/Kotomine Kirei
Comments: 8
Kudos: 62





	1. 1

Another year, another semester, another class. It wasn’t exciting or new, at this point it was routine, mundane and comforting.  
Reverend Professor Kotomine Kirei, written lovingly on the blackboard with yellow chalk. A complicated name filled with a sense of pride.  
“My name is Kotomine Kirei, you may call me Professor Kotomine, or Father Kotomine, though most students just prefer to call me Father.” He announced to the crowd before him.  
His students already looked bored—good. That was expected, mundane and therefore comforting. “Welcome to theology one. If this is not the class you anticipated yourself to be in, you may see yourself out without judgement.”  
No reaction from his students, as expected. 20 this year, not too many students usually would voluntarily subject themselves to Theology One, or Theology Two for that matter. especially if they had checked that “Rate My Professor” website that described him as “so boring you won’t be able to stay awake in class” “a tough grader” “kind of creepy.” and “weirdly attractive.”  
That was fine, though. Complain as they might they had paid for the class and they had no choice but to show up at 8am sharp and do the work. There was nothing better than torturing a room full of 18-20 year olds using only your voice.  
“No one in the wrong classroom?” He paused even though no one stirred, it was all a part of the act. “Alright then, let’s move on to attendance.” A relaxed smile, a genuine one. This semester would go as all the others that had come before it, predictably, boringly, without too many surprises—just as he liked it.  
He began down the list of names, there were a few absences he would let slide for today—it was the first day after all.  
After attendance came the review of the syllabus. Perhaps he’d have them do some sort of self introduction activity after this? Everyone always hated those, he’d love to watch the horror of having to come up with “3 fun facts” about oneself wash over the tired group before him.  
As he read from the second page of the syllabus the classroom door opened. Late on day one? Incredible, why even show up at this point?  
The blonde that had barged in promptly took a seat in the front row. “This is Theology right?”  
He didn’t even know what class he was in, incredible—again.  
“Yes, we started quite a while ago Mr...” he let his voice trail off as he referred back to the attendance list, waiting for him to fill in the blank.  
“Gil.” He took a sip of the iced coffee he had entered with—the only thing he entered with, no pencil, no backpack. The ice rattled against the walls of the plastic cup in the otherwise silent room. He seemed to take note of the professor’s confused expression with a sigh. “Gilgamesh. You know, like the Babylonian King? You’re a professor, right? You should know this shit—”  
Kirei nearly had to physically restrain himself from reacting in an annoyed way to that statement.  
“—most people call me Gil though.” He took another sip of his drink passively.  
Kirei begrudgingly made a note of the nickname on the attendance sheet as he reluctantly marked him as present.  
“Well, I’ll forgive your tardiness for today, but please remember for the future that class begins promptly at 8am.” As he spoke he took the noisy coffee from the student’s desk with a smile, “Oh, and if you had been on time you’d know that I don’t permit food in the classroom, either.” He deposited the coffee into the trash can by the door before continuing where he had left off in reading the syllabus.  
That display was a little unexpected, but it was fine. Seeming tough like this was beneficial—now the students would know he was someone to respectfully fear, lest they end up being the next humiliated individual.  
However, Gilgamesh didn’t seem to be humiliated, he seemed utterly unphased and unashamed as he sat at his desk with his arms crossed and legs splayed comfortably. How... annoying.  
Soon 9:45 crept up, and Kirei dismissed his students, telling them he was “looking forward to having a successful semester with all of them”. Which was a total lie, he could care less about them.  
As the students groggily shuffled out the door he was sure to stop the pompous blonde—Gil, was it?—from earlier before he could escape.  
He sighed, a frustrated expression on his face. “Jesus Christ... listen, I was late once. It won’t happen again, I swear.”  
To take the Lord’s name in vain in front of a priest… this man had some gall. “Hm? Oh yes I know, Gil.” He smiled, at least a bit glad that he had fooled him into thinking he was actually in trouble. “That’s water under the bridge, yes? I just wanted to ensure you got a copy of the syllabus before you left.”  
Gil didn’t even bother to look over the paper he was handed, he rolled his eyes as he folded it up and put it in his pocket.  
“Let me know if you have any questions.”  
“Yeah, I won’t.” And at that, he turned and left.  
What a troublesome student. One of those self entitled obnoxious types that paid their way into college. Maybe he’d drop the class after this, or get into an unfortunate accident, fall down a flight of stairs, perhaps. If only there weren’t cameras in the stairwell—  
He shook off that line of thought immediately. This was why it was good that the semester was starting up again, an idle mind is the devil’s plaything as they say. Yes, everything would be okay, he just needed less free time to think, that was all. 

———————————————————

Mondays and Wednesdays he taught theology one, Tuesdays and Thursdays he taught Theology Two, Fridays he had office hours, Saturdays he would plan his upcoming sermon, and Sunday was rather obviously the holy day. The times in between class and church could be filled with other mind numbing activities like confessional and general maintenance. The time church did not take up belonged to grading and exercise.  
It was perfect. No time to think means no time for the mind to wander down dark paths, or any paths at all for that matter. It was best to focus on the next task at hand for all it’s worth—who knows what would happen if he didn’t.  
The first week of the semester turned into the second, and the second into the third, and Gilgamesh did not drop the class as Kirei had hoped. No, instead he showed up obnoxiously early—usually so early that he’d be there when Kirei arrived to unlock the door around 7:30. Somehow, that was more annoying than if he were just on time. He’d greet him with that smug grin each morning as if he knew how much it pissed the priest off. He wasn’t being on time to prove how much he cared for the class, or as an apology for his singular truancy, he was doing it to annoy him, and it was working wonderfully.  
In the half an hour before class would begin Gil would either be on his phone or would be asking annoying questions.  
“Are you really a priest?”  
“Can priests say fuck?”  
“Can priests get shitface drunk or is that a sin?”  
“What isn’t a sin??”  
“If I’m dying and I convert and confess all my sins right then—do I get to go to heaven, or is that a loophole that’s not allowed?”  
Needless to say, Mondays and Wednesdays were Kirei’s least favorite days of the week.  
Despite this, He’d answer Gil’s questions to the best of his ability and practice the utmost amount of patience he had ever practiced in his whole career.  
If this was a test of some kind by God’s hand, he didn’t appreciate it at all.  
Usually he would arrive at his office around 7am and lightly prepare for his upcoming lecture, it was 30 minutes or so of peace that he could count on—except for 7am on the Wednesday of the third week of class, when he heard a knock on his office door.  
For a moment he actually considered pretending he wasn’t in the room at all, locking his door and staying silent. There was only one person that would have the nerve to annoy him this early.  
The intruder knocked again.  
He sighed as he came to terms with the reality he was facing. “....Come in.”  
Of course it was Gilgamesh and his self assured grin and perfect gold hair. He wore black pants and a simple black jacket, on anyone else it would be a boring look, yet Gil made it look extravagant just by being in it. “‘Morning Kirei.”  
“—Father Kotomine.” He corrected, not bothering to look away from his notes.  
“My bad. ‘Morning Dad.” Gil walked about Kirei’s small office, stopping to look at the trinkets he kept on his bookshelf. Please, just leave.  
“What do you want?” Please, please, just leave.  
“I wanted to see your office. How long have you been here?” He cocked his head to the side quizzically, as though he actually cared.  
“About 15 minutes.” He replied dully.  
“You’re such a morning person—it’s kinda abnormal.”  
“I wouldn’t say that I’m a morning person, it’s just best to start one’s day early. It enhances productivity.”  
Gil picked a random book from the bookshelf and paged through it noisily as Kirei attempted to ignore him in favor of his lecture notes.  
“...You’re boring.” He commented after a minute or two.  
He couldn’t restrain his sigh. “I have been told that before.”  
“Like, really really boring.” He placed the book back on the shelf and took out a different one.  
“Are you trying to hurt my feelings?”  
“Don’t pretend you have feelings, Father.”  
At that he actually bothered to turn from his notes and look at the other—brows knit together. He couldn’t help the reaction coming from the fact that his comment hadn’t been too far off the mark. “What do you mean by that?”  
Gil looked up from the book he’d been flipping through with a laugh. “Hah! Finally I get some kind of reaction out of you!” He snapped the book closed and returned it to the shelf before sitting himself upon the old black sofa in Kirei’s office as if it were some kind of throne—dust flitted through the air at the unexpected weight. No one had sat in that chair in ages.  
Kirei swiveled his office seat to face his student, lecture notes still in hand, trying to sound disinterested. “I’m simply confused as to what you mean.”  
Gil smiled, a sinister glint in his eye as he took on a taunting tone. “There’s something wrong with you.”  
“No, there isn’t.” Kirei tried to look as bland as possible, looking at the pages he held instead of the man in front of him.  
“Yes, there is. Nobody is as boring as you, and I don’t mean that as an insult. I mean it as a statement.” He laced his fingers in front of him, obviously amused.  
“So what you’re saying is that I’m so dull that I must be hiding something?”  
His red eyes lit up. “Exactly!”  
He shook his head and forced a bit of a dismissive laugh. “And what is it that I’m hiding, exactly?”  
Gil laughed again “I have no idea! It’s something big though, I’m sure.”  
The priest scoffed. “Well, be sure to let me know when you discover what this “something big” is, I’m just as curious as you.”  
Gil ignored the statement entirely. “You have a church, right? Or... I don’t know—work at one?”  
He looked up from his notes briefly, eyes barely focusing on the person before him. “That is generally what a priest does, yes.”  
“Well, where is it?”  
Gilgamesh was the last person he wanted stepping foot into his holy space, even the idea felt disgusting, but unfortunately the location of his church was generally common knowledge.  
He’d find it one way or another. “...It’s not far from here, it’s the Church that’s closest to campus. I have invited the class to Sunday mass before, if you’re curious you’re always welcome.” It sounded like a script that he were reciting, and it practically was.  
“Don’t sound too excited, priest.”  
There was a brief silence again, leaded with a sort of indescribable tension.  
Instead of allowing it to fester, Kirei sighed, breaking the silence. “I don’t know what you expect to discover about me, Gil. Some people are just boring.”  
Gil smiled as he stood from his seat, “Many people are boring, yes—most people, even. But the ones who have to pretend to be boring usually have the most to hide.”  
At that allegation, he left Kirei alone in his office, feeling more than just a little bothered by the interaction that had just taken place.


	2. 2

Thursday went by predictably, Friday as well. The discomfort of being partially called out on Wednesday was fading away… rather unfortunately.   
Was it wrong to find it almost exciting, in a sense? Having a student pry into one’s life was not something one should derive entertainment from. Gilgamesh was one of those dogs who were all bark and no bite—well...Gil was more catlike than doglike but that was beside the point.   
He’d probably already forgotten about their conversation on Wednesday, so he should stop wondering if anything was going to become of his curiosity…  
Right?  
“Father? Are you quite alright?” The priest turned to find who had snuck up on him so suddenly. It was a stray volunteer parishioner, helping out by cleaning the church. She had paused in her dusting, a cloth in one hand. “You’ve been sweeping the same spot for about 10 minutes…” Her eyes trailed from the broom he held slowly up to his face. “Something on your mind?”   
Ugh, stop prying woman and get your work done—A false smile. “Ah, I’m fine, thank you for asking. I was simply thinking about one of my students.”  
She returned the smile. “A troublemaker?”  
“...You could say that.”   
Coral colored lips parted to reveal a toothy grin, what an ugly color. “Well, if there’s anyone who can handle a troublesome student it’s you, Father. Your strength is admirable.” She approached and placed a hand upon his arm, matching coral colored nails glinting in the low light. Disgusting.  
“I heard that you suffered the loss of your wife some years ago... but you didn’t let that stop you. It’s… inspiring, honestly.”  
Inspiring?  
Inspiring?!  
Had she any idea of just how badly he had desired to be the one to cause his late wife’s demise she would be running for her worthless life.   
Had she any idea how many times he had envisioned choking her to death, smothering her with the pillow she slept upon, slashing her lovely, pale throat—  
...  
Kotomine Kirei just wanted to be left alone in his world of unfounded violence.  
At this woman’s intrusion a vision, just for a moment, flickered through his mind. The broom in his hand could be used as a bludgeon, he could crack her skull open and turn that coral color a deep red, her tears and blood would wash layer upon layer of cosmetics from her face and reveal her to be the hideous person she was hiding underneath.   
How could she even dare to touch him, to continue touching him? To continue tempting him? He was pure, holy, able to resist his urges. It was her fault he was feeling this way.   
He could hide her body in the church basement where his prying student could find it… he could almost envision the look of shock sinking into his blood red eyes—would he be surprised? Entertained? Would he smile? Frown? Were they at all alike?  
He metaphorically shook those thoughts off, clearing his throat for good measure.   
Restraint.  
This sort of thing was familiar, habitual. He’d been here many times before—Walking alone on this dark path, and he’d resisted it then.  
He could resist it now too.  
He kept his smile firm as he shrugged away from her grip. “I thank you for your kind words. However it’s getting a bit late—you can leave the rest of the cleaning to me.”   
She looked disappointed for just a moment or two, “Alright. Thank you, Father. I’ll see you on Sunday.” Her smile wavered as she left to collect her belongings. Surely she’d never know how close she had just come to death.   
Would she have gone to heaven?   
Once he was alone, Kirei let out the breath he was holding and he sat himself in a pew, putting his head in his hands.   
He’d find a way to deal with himself, somehow. Punishment, perhaps?   
It had been a while since he’d even needed to punish himself. How could he keep slipping up like this?   
“Damn, you just get done with a funeral or something?”  
Heaved out of his introspection he shot up from his seat to face the source of the voice, a bit startled.   
Oh, great. The last person he wanted to see. His aura alone was enough to shift the somber air of the church.  
“Gilgamesh.” It was intended as a greeting, but it came out more like an accusatory statement. For a moment he wished he had killed that woman. Had Kirei known he was going to have a guest, it would have been a fantastic sight for his guest to stumble in upon. He wondered if he’d be surprised—or pleased even?   
Gil’s laughter echoed through the aisles of the empty church, bringing him out of his fantasy.   
“The door was unlocked so I let myself in. Hope that’s alright. You looked like you were having a moment.” Despite his words, he didn’t seem to care if it was, or was not, okay. The blonde meandered about the aisles, hands in the pockets of his bright red pants. “So, this is where you do your thing, huh?”   
“I was more so expecting you to arrive on Sunday.” He stated plainly, avoiding the awkward implications of Gilgamesh’s arrival.  
“For your boring sermon?” Disgust played at his features. “Hell no. I get enough of that in class.”  
He sighed despite himself. At least they were alone, no one needed to hear the disdain in his voice, save for the two of them. “Well, I’m not sure what it is you’re expecting.”  
Gil paused in the aisle, his head dropped back—looking exasperated. “I want to confess. You do that here, yes?” He turned his gaze to the priest, eyebrows raised.  
To ask for something as simple as confession in such a dramatic way—it was almost laughably in character. Though Kirei doubted Gil actually was seeking guidance and absolution, who was he, really, to turn away a young penitent?  
...  
Or maybe he was just curious.   
“Well,” he started, “we usually offer that on Saturdays, but, of course. You should have said so earlier. Right this way.”  
Gil followed along to the ornate wooden confessional booth at the back of the church and they each took their places for the upcoming performance.   
Kirei had done this song and dance more times than he could count. More often than not he didn’t even remember the sins his penitents confessed to. Common people’s sins were usually unbelievably mundane. Coveting a neighbor’s wife, feeling jealousy over a friend’s new car, things like that weren’t even worth listening to.  
Sometimes he didn’t even bother to listen, just assigned them a penance, droned out the prayer of absolution and sent them on their way.   
For once, though, he was interested in hearing what the person on the other side of the screen had to say.  
They sat side by side in the dark booth, divided by a wooden lattice screen. Gil broke the silence by beginning his confession. “I’ve done a lot of bad things, Father.”  
“You’ll have to tell me more than that.” He urged.  
“I know, I know.” Gil chuckled, “Alright, let’s start here, then. I stole.”  
Stealing? He didn’t take Gil as the type who would need to steal, always wearing those flashy outfits—perhaps he wasn’t as well off as he seemed? “And what is it that you have stolen?”  
“A ring.” He laughed again, as if it were a good joke. “I’m wearing it right now actually. Twenty four karat gold.” He held a hand up to the lattice—sure enough there was a solid gold band glistening on his middle finger. “It’s not like I couldn’t afford it. I could afford 10 of these things without my bank account feeling a thing, you know?” Exhibiting the sin of pride right in the confessional, that one was new. “I just saw it and I wanted it, so I took it.”  
His line of reasoning was impossible to follow. “If you could afford it, why bother stealing it?”  
“It was exciting.” He stated plainly, as if it were obvious. “I wanted to feel the rush that a thief feels—and I did. I liked it, too. Adrenaline feels exhilarating. Everything I want—the moment I want it—might as well already be mine, yes?” His laughter was that of a serpent.   
“Do you regret your actions?” Kirei knew that he didn’t, but he asked anyway. It was just a part of the routine.  
“Hm?” The snake snapped out of his laughter, as if only just remembering where he was. “Oh, yes. Terribly so. Please absolve my sins, Father. The guilt is eating me alive.” It was an obvious lie. But Kirei did. He absolved his sins just as he absolved everyone else’s before him, but there was no denying that this was different.   
When Gil left he promised to return again, saying his consciousness felt lighter.  
Kirei’s consciousness only weighed heavier as he looked forward to his next visit.   
His student’s sin stayed in his mind all week. The idea of doing something so foolish just for a brief moment of excitement—it wasn’t too foreign of a concept to the ever so holy priest.   
In his youth, he had done a few things here and there just to force his heart to beat a little harder, though he’d never admit to them.   
He would never admit to the VHS tapes he had kept hidden under his bed and the scenes of torture they held.   
Would never admit to illegally buying them off some shady man at a video store.   
Would never admit to watching them over and over every single time he had the house to himself for more than fifteen minutes.  
His father had found his collection of tapes once, he asked what was on them. Each was only labeled with a piece of tape and the first name of the victim whose final hours had been filmed.   
Kirei had tactfully told him it was pornography—as sick as it was, it may as well have been to him anyway. His father had been as angry as was expected of an emotionally sane Priest—yet it seemed he understood to a degree the desires of a young adult male.   
Even now, Kirei wondered what his reaction would have been if he had seen the footage the tapes actually contained.   
Ultimately, Risei had forced him to burn the illicit tapes in the back yard after scolding him.   
It would be a lie to say he didn’t mourn the loss—not the loss of the victims, of course, but the loss of his precious scenes of torture.   
He had always known that he was defective, wrong, diseased. It had started with a lack of ability to relate to peers and their constant confusing emotions—and it only grew from there.  
Lack of emotion, lack of passion, a fascination with destruction of tissue and bone.  
Despite his immaculate Catholic upbringing, Kirei had found himself enraptured by the deep red ooze of a ruptured artery, and drunk off the yells of terror that could never be accurately portrayed in a dramatized film. He had been born fundamentally wrong, in both the eyes of God and the eyes of man.  
After his father had forced him to burn his VHS tapes, he had burned himself in turn as punishment—his upper arms still bore the scars from that night to this day, a reminder of all those years ago.   
He hadn’t watched any snuff films since—but of course, that alone was far from enough to fix his twisted heart.  
Gil returned—as he promised he would—the very next week, once again late on a Friday night. Kirei had informed him, again, that confessional was offered properly on Saturdays, but he figured that he didn’t care.   
Gil saw himself as above the rules, so it was fitting that he made his own even now.   
During his second visit he confessed to getting into a fight outside of a bar. Talked about how seeing the man’s bloody and crooked broken nose had made him smile. It made the priest smile too, despite himself.   
Confessional with Gil became a regular thing—though not mundane or comforting, it was still something he looked forward to.   
Gilgamesh would come once or occasionally twice a week and confess to something most people would never want to speak of—all in a calm and confident tone.   
When the confessional visits began, the blonde coincidentally stopped coming to class quite as early as he used to. He even ended up late a few times—not that Kirei marked him as such. Gil was growing on him in a sense. He could allow him this privilege.   
After a few weeks of confessions Kirei suggested that in order to get off his dark path and give back to the community, he should try to do a few good deeds as penance.   
He didn’t suggest that he wanted him to keep walking the path of sin, of course, no matter how badly his crooked heart wished him to.   
Gil was back again a week later, seated comfortably on his side of the confessional like it was his home. “It’s been one week since my last confession,” he started. “I did what you said. I gave back to the community.”  
“That’s fantastic to hear. How did it make you feel?” The question was a lot more loaded than originally intended, he couldn’t help his curiosity.  
“Honestly?” He scoffed, “I felt nothing.” Kirei could see his smile through the lattice. “Oh, also I sinned. I gave some homeless looking guys some money, like you said, and they asked me if I wanted a bump. I don’t do drugs often, but I said yes. Have you ever done coke, Father?” His laughter was quieter than usual, much more sarcastic.   
“No, of course not. This isn’t the outcome I was hoping for when I suggested giving back.”  
“But you’re entertained nonetheless. It feels good—like you can do anything. I almost came to see you after I did it...”  
A loaded statement for a loaded question, that was fair. “...That’s a good sign, you can always come to me in times of crisis.”  
“A very good sign.” His voice hadn’t lost its sarcastic edge. “Instead of coming here though, I went into the city. I chose the sleaziest bar I could find—there was a glory hole in the bathroom.” His laughter was less sarcastic now, more genuine.  
“...I’m assuming you… made use of it?” Gil’s confessions so far had taken many turns down the lane of his sexual endeavors. Kirei was no stranger to Gil’s promiscuity, and Gil himself was not shy when it came to sharing.   
“You could say that. I wanted to feel used, so I let some stranger put his cock in my mouth.” As usual he didn’t seem very guilty, his voice a purr.   
Gil had never directly stated what his sexuality was, but Kirei couldn’t imagine Gil only making himself sexually available to one gender and he talked freely about his experiences with both. Although he mentioned more often his experiences with men.   
He’d talk about his tastes, about how he preferred men a bit older and rougher—it seemed he didn’t like wasting time with romance.   
He’d asked once if hitting another man was a sin if he had asked him to do it in a sexual context—Gil only seemed to be interested in freaks.  
Each and every time, no matter what was confessed, he absolved his student’s sins and bid him a good night.  
Tonight was no different, despite his crass attitude.  
As always, Gil promised to do better next week—and as always, Kirei knew he wouldn’t.   
He looked forward to it at this point.


	3. 3

Midterms were approaching fast when Gil showed up at his regular time on Friday. Kirei didn’t even bother to greet him verbally, simply giving him a nod. “Shall we head back?”  
As they approached the confessional as they had so many times before, Gil paused.   
“Everything alright?” Maybe he’s realized how pointless this is?   
Kirei sincerely hoped not. The depths of Gilgamesh’s depravity had become the highlight of his week.   
Gil’s smile was nothing short of wicked. “Let’s try something new.”  
“Hm?” The routine was being messed up, he didn’t like that. He’d manage of course, he always did, but he wasn’t happy.   
He was distracted from his disdain as he felt himself being pushed into the confession side of the booth “Wait. What are you—”  
Gil took a seat on the side that would usually be occupied by Kirei.  
He sighed as the situation dawned on him. “Gil, no, this is—“  
“This is what? A great idea? Because it’s a great idea, Father. You listen to me spout off my sins week after week, isn’t it about time I heard some of yours?”  
He hadn’t been on this side of the booth in… well… far too long, honestly. “Only a priest can absolve the sins of—“  
He was cut off once more. “You and I both know this ritual is null and void.”  
Kirei fell silent. He wasn’t exactly wrong, but this situation certainly was.   
Gil picked up on his discomfort quickly, like a predator pouncing on its prey.   
“Here, if you can’t think of a sin to confess to, I’ll help you. You like listening to all of the bad things I do.”  
“That isn’t true.” There was no pause in his response, he wanted to sound genuine.  
“Shut up, Kirei. You can’t hide it. The way you smile when I tell a particularly vulgar tale—you love every sin I commit.” Gil took note of his silence before continuing. “Any normal priest would have realized by the second visit that I don’t give a shit about religion or absolution and told me to go pound sand—but you like hearing about what I do. You like it so much you pretend to help me just so I’ll come back with more.”  
He felt truly trapped. It was all completely true, but he hadn’t realized Gil had known all this time. He tried to think of an excuse. Anything he could say to diffuse the situation, but every thought he had stuck in his throat. He cleared it. As if that would make it any easier to speak. “...I apologize for...”  
“No no, I’m not done. I want to ask you something.”  
There was nothing he could say anyway. “...Fine.”   
“I’ve done so many bad things, Father. How is it that I should feel?”  
“Guilty.” He answered, throat a bit dry.   
“But would you feel guilty?”  
“...What?” The darkness of the confessional booth felt like it was closing in on him.  
Gil spoke quietly and slowly, letting each word sink in like the fangs of a venomous snake. “If you had been the one to do the things I’ve done over these weeks, would you feel guilty?”  
“Of course I would...” A lie of course, just another in the web he constantly spun.  
“No no, you’re saying what everyone wants to hear.” He paused, for a moment or two only the sound of cars outside remained. “I want to know how you, personally, would feel.”  
His head was swimming in a sea of fog. Had he truly been so transparent in his enjoyment of the disgusting tales he’d been told? Could Gil tell that behind his pious facade lie a hollow monster?  
Could everyone tell?  
He’d worked so hard on his mask for so long, he thought that it was flawless, but this conversation was making it clear that it was far from anything more than cracked and mangled.  
“Come on Father, be honest for once. It’s just me you’re talking to. It can be our little secret.”  
Another pause, traffic outside reminding him that they weren’t the only two in the world, but somehow making him feel like they were the only two who mattered. “I wouldn’t feel anything.” He admitted, and after a short silence only Gil’s laughter filled the church. “Not guilt?”  
He felt sick, “No.”  
“Not even if you hit a man and broke his nose like I did outside of a bar? That wouldn’t make you feel bad?”  
“No…” The honesty was making his head spin. “it would feel—“  
“—Good?” Red eyes shone even through the obscurity of the wooden lattice.  
“...Yes.” His answer came out quietly, as if he weren’t even speaking it on purpose. The gravity of the situation dawned on him—  
Gilgamesh was a blight upon his pristine existence, he was the devil incarnate, tempting him with his silver tongue—or gold more rather.   
The devil grinned widly. “Let’s crack open some communion wine as a celebration of your admission.”  
Kirei quickly left the confessional at that in order to face him, and Gil followed. “This is nothing worth celebrating. Why are you doing this? You come into my church and force me to admit my sin to you? For what reason?”  
Gil stood before him, a triumphant look on his face. “Because I don’t like you.”  
“For someone who doesn’t like me you sure do spend a lot of voluntary time in my presence.”  
He waved his hand dismissively “Oh no, don’t get me wrong, I may not like you as you are right now, but I like the you that I know you’re hiding behind your boring facade. I want to know him.”  
“There is only one me, Gilgamesh, and it’s the one before you right now. You’re jumping to obscene conclusions.”  
“No, you’re absolutely right! There is only one you, Father, and right now that person is severely repressed. He’s repressed to nonexistence. It’s sad, it’s a human rights violation what you’re doing to yourself.” He shook his head, grin never wavering. “You’re only able to find scraps of joy in the third hand accounts of the suffering of others. You admitted it yourself, you said you’d feel good hurting someone.”  
Kirei walked away from Gil, farther into the church. He gripped the pew in front of him, knuckles white with frustration. This was getting gravely out of hand. He needed to calm down. He needed to find peace inside himself. He needed to—  
Gil sauntered away to the stage at the front of the church. He leaned an elbow against the pulpit and put his head in his hand with a pointed dramatic flair. “Oh, he’s getting angry now...” His tone lacked any semblance of concern.  
He sighed, trying to shake his urgency. “I’m not angry. I’m simply frustrated at the things you’re insinuating and continue to push upon me.”  
Gil still looked bored. “Mhmm, are you going to hit me?”  
Kirei shook his head, a bit taken aback. “Why would I do that?”  
He shrugged. “You’re clearly mad at me—so why not? I can take a punch.”  
“You sound as though you want me to.”  
That nasty smirk returned. “I do. I want to see you snap.”   
Is this because he threw away Gil’s coffee on the first day of the semester? Because of all of the disgusting thoughts he’d had throughout his life? Why else was he being punished like this? It was almost too much to bear.   
No, it was too much to bear.   
“Get out.” He kept his voice even.  
“No.”  
“You need to leave. Now.” An ultimatum.  
“If you want me gone you’ll have to throw me out yourself. Which, if I’m right, is something that you’re scared of doing—because you might let your true self show and actually hurt me, right?”  
Alright, this needed to stop. Now. It had already gone too far.   
He took a few deep breaths before approaching Gil. He was smaller than Kirei—though that probably meant he was more agile as well. Either way, words were simply not cutting it.   
Gently—as gently and restrained as he could—he took his still smirking student by the arm and began forcefully—yet gently—pulling him along towards the door. “Come, you need to leave now.”   
He was laughing “Awww, this isn’t a fun way to end the night! C’mon Kirei! We were making progress!”  
It was in that moment that he it all became clear, “...You smell like a bar, Gilgamesh.”  
“And you smell like a retirement home.”  
He felt better at that fact, much better, even. Gilgamesh wasn’t on to him, he was just drunk and acting out. He might not even remember this interaction in the morning.   
By the time they reached the door, he felt immensely better, taking a deep breath of the cool night air as they stepped outside. Gil ripped his arm away from Kirei as he stepped outside.   
“Do you need me to call you a ride, or will you be able to get home from here?” He felt his confidence returning.  
“I’m fine, but thank you for your generous offer, o’ kind benevolent priest.” He bowed deeply.   
“In that case, I’ll see you on Monday.” A genuine smile.  
At that he went back in the church and locked the door immediately, relaxation washing over him.


	4. 4

When Monday rolled around Kirei was feeling rather ambivalent about the prospects of his student actually having an inkling about his darker desires.  
7:00, arrive at his office, unlock the door, sit down at the desk and begin reviewing his lecture notes—  
No knock this time, Gil just let himself in and immediately sat upon the unoccupied chair he’d sat in weeks prior. Had any of his students really sat there before? Or was Gil the first?  
“So, are we going to talk about Friday or what, priest?”  
He didn’t even bother to turn. “What is there to discuss? If you’re here to apologize for your drunken tantrum, you are already forgiven.”  
“It’s you who should be asking for my forgiveness.”  
He still refused to turn, “Hm, and why is that?”  
“Throwing me out into the cold like some worthless garbage! Daring to lay your hands upon me! Apologize at once!”  
Was he actually upset? He slowly turned in his office chair at Gil’s outburst, only to find him smiling.  
“Got’cha.” He laughed “Regardless, I’m not sorry about that. We had fun. Let’s do it again sometime.”  
“Absolutely not.”  
“Hmm? But we made so much progress.”  
Already the confidence he’d been savoring was once again at it’s breaking point.  
“That was not progress! That was regression!” He was getting heated again, he hated how easily Gil brought out this side of him. He thought he’d buried it deeper than this.  
Gil rolled his eyes at that, undaunted. “Fine. Whatever. If you want to stay repressed that’s not my problem. Let your desires eat you alive.” He stood up and began to exit the office, Kirei followed.  
“Stop. I haven’t finished speaking with you.”  
“You have, actually.” He exited the office, but there was no way that the professor could let the conversation end there.  
There was an odd sort of altercation, with Gil trying to close the office door behind him and Kirei trying to keep it open. Maybe he’d yanked the door too hard, but Gil stumbled back into the office, he caught himself sloppily on Kirei’s desk, but that was no matter, Kirei managed to get the door closed.  
Perfect. Now they could talk.  
He turned to address him properly. “You need to stop with your—“ he stopped as he noticed that Gil had not yet turned around.  
“What have you done you piece of shit!”  
He was startled into silence at the outburst and his student turned to face him—he looked different, less composed and more frantic.  
It wasn’t a bad look on him.  
“What have you done!” He was cradling one of his hands in the other, a look of pain on his face, another expression to commit to memory.  
Kirei remained calm and composed as always, his previous urgency gone. “Are you alright? Let me see.” He took a step closer and took the hand Gil was protecting into his own to get a better look at what was causing him to act out so suddenly.  
It was his finger, the middle one on his left hand, bent out of shape—dislocation. When he'd caught himself upon Kirei's desk, he must have grabbed the surface in an awkward way, causing the finger to be disfigured in such an agonizing way.  
Kirei would recognize that sort of injury anywhere, after all, he used to do these sorts of things to himself on the regular. He knew how badly it hurt—especially if one had never dislocated a bone before. It was a unique sort of agony, no wonder his golden student was so undone.  
“Stop staring and do something!” He commanded through clenched teeth.  
He snapped out of his fascinated haze. “—Yes, I can reset it for you, if you want. Sooner is better than later—“  
“Jesus fucking Christ! Shut up! Fix it! Now!”  
The sense of emergency in the younger males tone was rather melodic in a way, the way his voice shook, so unlike the Gil he had come to know.  
“As you wish.” He gently positioned the other with his back against the closed door, that way he couldn’t move out of the way if he got skittish. “I’m going to need you to stay still.”  
He looked the other in the eye, finally, ripping his gaze off of the disfigured finger.  
He really couldn’t resist. Gil looked almost cute like this, wincing, tears in his eyes but not crying—no. He was stronger than that. Quickened breathing—a clear sign of intense pain.  
Gil returned his gaze momentarily, jaw clenched. “Do it already, you sick fuck.”  
Kirei had no idea how he looked right now, but from that statement he imagined it to be rather lecherous. Instead of dwelling on that thought he instead focused on relocating Gil’s finger. It was a bit different doing it on someone other than himself, but the principles were the same. Apply steady pressure in the opposite direction of the dislocation, pull back upon the joint slowly—yes, agonizingly slow, as his poor patient sucked in a sharp breath and uttered some vitriol about how disturbing Kirei was—until you feel it pop back into place sickeningly.  
Gil choked back a yell at the sudden shift in position.  
Kirei knew not only of the agony that accompanied a dislocation—he knew of the immense relief that came from when it was snapped back into place. He knew as well that the pain did not subside completely upon relocation, no, but the difference between an active dislocation and a resolved one was almost akin to pleasure.  
Almost.  
Gil was breathing heavily, his expression had softened a bit. He raised his shaking hand to look at Kirei’s handiwork before shifting his gaze to the man before him.  
“God... you’re sick.”  
He ignored the comment, it was better for his sanity if he just pretended that his display hadn’t just proven him to be the monster Gil had suspected him of being. “You should see yourself to the infirmary. They can ensure that no further damage has been done.”  
“...Fine, yeah,” Gil seemed to be coming out of his pained haze. “I assume this is an excused absence?”  
“Of course.”  
“Oh, and Father?”  
Kirei vaguely noticed that he could feel himself smiling “Yes?”  
“You’re hard. Get yourself together before class starts.”  
Ah, so he’d noticed. Once again he was left alone in his office, although this time he was even more uncomfortable than the last.


	5. 5

He almost called off Monday’s class. He almost took a sick day—something he hadn’t done in the span of his entire career—but he resisted. That didn’t stop him from being in a rather sour mood all class, though. He was frustrated with himself; who better to take it out on than his students? They all left the classroom exasperated that day—all except the one he stopped.   
“Cu. I need to speak with you.”   
He looked a bit scared. Good. “Oh, what’s up?”   
“Your performance thus far has been, well, lackluster.”  
“Ah—Yeah... uh... sorry about that.” He gave a shy grin. “Senioritis is hitting me a bit hard. Guess I’ll try a little harder from here on out?”  
Kirei sighed, here came the fun part. “I’m concerned that you aren’t going to pass.”  
“Wait... wait really?! Oh god—I mean... not god, shit... sorry Father.”  
He held up a hand to stop him. “It’s alright. Perhaps you should consider visiting the writing center for help, it’s also not too late to withdraw.”  
“But if I don’t pass this class I won’t be able to graduate at the end of the semester. I really need these credits.”  
“Then I suppose you’ll need to try a bit harder, hm?” He smiled as he collected his belongings.   
“What about extra credit?”  
“I don’t offer extra credit.”  
“Could you reconsider? Maybe? Please?”  
“Unlikely. You are dismissed, Cu. Have a nice day.”   
“Yeah.... you too...”  
His student left the room, shoulders slumped. It felt good to dash dreams. Yes, he’d be sure that Cu Chulainn failed the class one way or another, it’d raise his spirits after the disaster of a semester he’d had thus far.   
Gil wasn’t in class on Wednesday either, which had Kirei in quite a state. Disgruntled, frustrated, antsy. He wanted to talk to Gil about what had occurred; apologize, maybe? Not that he was actually sorry. Perhaps Gil would never come back, never bother him again. Why did that possibility make him angry?  
It was late—probably around 11pm, he sat in a pew in his church, hands clasped around the cross he wore daily. He’d made it through the day in a fog that wouldn’t seem to dissipate, and it was his fault. For being disgusting, for being sick, for wishing he could dislocate and relocate the rest of Gil’s fingers just to watch his reaction—just to feel his pulse quicken. The front door of the church opened up, it was easy to guess who it was even without visual confirmation—even his footsteps were unique and exuded confidence and purpose. His approaching shadow was that of a superior being—of a king.   
Kirei couldn’t understand why he felt so relieved, he stood up from the pew, trying desperately to think of an apology or something, anything, that would fix the situation.   
Though, what was there to fix? Nothing. Nothing needed fixed. It was better if Gil left him alone permanently. He was foolish for even considering otherwise.  
“Gil,“ He started, newfound purpose in his voice. “You need to leave. We need to stop—”  
Gil held up his hand to stop him “Save it. I need your assistance. Immediately.”   
Help? He’d never asked for help before, he felt conflicted. “...No, listen to me—”  
He ignored his protests. “Come with me.”   
Kirei paused, beyond hesitant. He wanted to keep fighting, wanted to tell him to leave him alone permanently, why was that so hard to do?  
Gil wasn’t entertained by his reluctant stoicism. “No no no, You don’t get to get off on my pain without owing me. Come on.” He marched over to Kirei, grabbed him by the arm and began dragging him down the aisle; it was reminiscent of the night he’d kicked him out—only Gil was much less gentle.   
Kirei followed along silently, not like he had a choice. He took note of the splint on Gil’s finger, a memento of two days ago. He tried not to smile.   
Once they got outside the blonde let go of his professor, as he didn’t seem to be trying to escape. He lead him over to a red car in the parking lot; the only car in the parking lot, that is. The streetlights overhead gleamed orange yellow, casting shadows about the empty lot.   
Kirei’s church was located on the outskirts of the college town, within walking distance of the main campus. Even so, there weren’t typically many people around this part of town so late at night.   
“There’s no cameras around, right?” Gil started, glancing around nonchalantly.  
“No. None.” He knew that for a fact, try as he might to not acknowledge his dark thoughts he still subconsciously took note of things like security cameras, just in case.   
“Good. Anyway, I may have committed another tiny sin.” Gil popped open the trunk, mumbling something that sounded like “god I hope I’m right about you.” The light was low, but it was clear what was inside. Mangled, pale, dirty, disgusting, rotting—intoxicating.   
Kirei immediately pushed the trunk closed. “You did this?!”  
“No, someone just put a body in my trunk for the hell of it.”  
“Now is not the time to be sarcastic, this is serious.” He kept his voice low, even despite the lack of pedestrians.  
“Trust me, I’m aware. Why do you think I came to you? You’re sick enough to know how to help me with this, right?”  
“...Absolutely not. No.”  
“So you’re going to turn me in?”  
His head was spinning—there was no denying it now; he had been found out. Gil knew what he was and came to him because he knew that he was sick. If only his sudden dizziness would allow him a second of respite to collect his thoughts. “Stop. I need a moment to—“  
They both froze as a car pulled into the parking lot.  
“Fan fucking tastic.” Gil laughed humorlessly, leaning against the trunk of his car with his arms crossed.   
Great. Now he didn’t have time to think. He just needed to act. “I’ll handle this.”   
The man that stepped out of the old car was thin and ragged looking, Kirei didn’t recognize him in the dim light. “Do you need something?”  
The man was staring at a cell phone in his hands, its light casting shadows about his pale face. He seemed almost surprised to be addressed. “Oh… uh, hi,” he started. “It says its around here—ah, I’m sorry, I should explain. It’s my nephew, his name’s Shinji Matou…he attends the college here, maybe you know him?”  
Kirei swore he’d heard that surname before.  
Gil glanced at the priest for a moment before turning his attention back to the stranger in front of them. “I know of him. Why?”  
He looked back down at his phone before glancing around the darkness surrounding them. “Well, we haven’t heard from him in a few days… everyone’s pretty worried about him. He’s probably fine, but my father is very concerned. He sent me out to try and see if I could find him. I’ve been trying to track his phone…” he held up the cellphone in his hands, it’s harsh light was jarring in the darkness, but as his eyes adjusted and the familiarity of the man before him became clear, Kirei realized that he did indeed know him.   
“...Kariya?” he asked, though he was fairly sure he was right about his assumption.   
Hearing his own name seemed to shake him out of his far away state, realization dawned on his face. “...Kotomine? Oh... it’s been a while.”   
It truly had been, just how many years had passed since he’d last seen Kariya Matou? He looked bad, to put it plainly; sick, hardly recognizable. His hair had somehow managed to go completely white, and he didn’t seem to have complete control over one side of his body.   
It was pretty shocking, especially considering that he was only a few years older than Kirei himself. he idly wondered what exactly he was suffering from, but it wasn’t like Kirei was going to comment on it.   
Kariya was once a creative writing professor at the college, he had left the job once his health began deteriorating rapidly. Kirei wouldn’t consider the man to be a friend, but they had shared many conversations over the years that they were colleagues. He had learned that the Matou lineage was a complicated one—Kariya was always on the brink of total excommunication for having the audacity to not follow the predetermined path that his father had laid out for him. It was a sad life.  
Or more rather, it would be sad—if Kirei were capable of feeling anything for the pitiable former professor before him.  
“Anyway…” he seemed ashamed of his current state now that his identity had been realized, avoiding eye contact. “The tracker I have says that Shinji’s phone is around here…”  
Well, there could only be one reason that this missing Shinji’s phone would be in this area. From all the signs it seemed as though Shinji Matou was indeed the previous occupant of the corpse in Gil’s trunk. Kirei would really have to scold Gil for this, forgetting to turn off the boy’s cell phone was by far the most careless detail to overlook.   
As if responding to Kirei’s discontent, Gil stepped forward, taking something out of his pocket. “Oh, this must be his then, I found it in my car.”  
Kariya jumped at the opportunity to take the cell phone. “So you’ve seen him?”  
“Obviously. The other night he needed a ride to some party, he must have dropped it then.”  
“Oh…” the previous hope in his voice vanished as he looked the phone over, “It’s broken…” that it was, clearly the tracker was still functional, but the screen was riddled with cracks reminiscent of a spider web.  
Gil shrugged, his explanation was pretty solid already. Perhaps he’d already been thinking about all of this? “I would have called someone on it to pick it up but it was busted by the time I found it in my car. You’re lucky I didn’t just throw it away.”  
Kariya pocketed the broken phone in his ill fitting track pants, disappointed. “Well, can you at least tell me where you dropped him off?”  
Gil briefly explained the location he had dropped the “missing” Shinji off at, even went as far as to pinpoint the location on the map Kariya had on his phone. The man sighed, “Shinji… where’d you run off to…”   
“If there’s anything we can do to help you out please let us know. I assume you know how to get in contact with me?”  
Kariya looked at Kirei as he spoke, eyes darting around the empty parking lot again. “Wait… what are you two doing out here anyway?”  
“Talking.” he answered quickly.  
“About?”  
“Is that any of your business?” Gil interjected, agitated. He obviously just wanted Kariya gone, but in times like these patience was a virtue. Anger would only make his suspicion grow.  
And it did. Kariya glanced between the two of them. He was obviously losing trust in the pair pretty quickly. Who knows what sort of stories his diseased mind was trying to convince him of. He stared Gil down. “Who… who are you anyway?”  
The blonde didn’t take well to his prying. “Once again, is that any of your—”  
Kirei cleared his throat, cutting Gil off before he could make Kariya hate the pair even more. “I’m sorry. This is one of my students. He’s been having a bit of a rough time recently, I’m doing my best to help him through it.”  
He didn’t seem to buy the story, expression transparently suspicious, but without anything concrete to go off of he had no choice but to leave and follow his only lead. “Alright… well… just keep an eye out for Shinji, okay?”  
“Of course. It was nice seeing you again, Kariya.” Kirei bowed his head as a brief farewell. Kariya looked them both over again before reluctantly getting back in his car and driving off.


	6. 6

Gil didn’t visibly calm down until he was sure that Kariya had left. As the hum of the car’s engine faded, his tense posture finally relaxed. Kirei coaxed Gil back into the church, closing and locking the doors behind them.   
Leaning against the church door, Gil slid down until he was sitting on the floor. Somehow he even made the old wood look like a throne.  
“I think that went well.” He broke the silence.  
“How do you know that guy?”  
Kirei stood above the seated murderer. “He was a fellow professor at the college up until a few years ago.”  
“Whatever—it doesn’t matter. What matters is that you didn’t turn me in.”  
“Of course not. I have no intention of doing so. Now tell me how this happened.”  
“It was...” he sighed.  
“An accident?”  
His smile finally returned. “Sure. Something like that.”  
“How long as he been dead?”  
“A little over 24 hours.”  
“Alright. Does anyone else know this happened?”  
“No. Just you. And probably that Kariya guy if you’re not careful.”   
“Forget about him for now, he doesn’t matter—now, did anyone witness you killing, or transporting—“ He wished he’d been that witness, maybe even telling Gil how to do it, how to hold the blade and how to—  
“No! I’m not that stupid!”  
“Let’s stay calm here, getting worked up won’t help our situation,” Gil would look rather becoming covered in blood. Red suited him best.   
“It’s my situation. Not ours.”  
“No no, it became my situation as well the moment that I said nothing to Kariya.”  
Gil was silent, fiddling with the brace on his finger.   
Kirei could never get used to dealing with individuals who possessed the capacity to feel emotion, but he tried his best. “...Are you alright?”  
“Does it matter?” He avoided eye contact, gritting his jaw. Kirei could guess just how stressful this must be for him, he’d obviously never experienced anything like this before.  
“Yes. It matters.”  
“Trust me, I’m fine it’s just...” he stood up with a sigh, “I don’t look fucking good in orange or stripes.”  
Kirei chuckled at his joke, more to soothe the other than out of actually finding it funny. “Neither do I, but I can promise you that neither one of us are going down for this, alright?” He stood and approached Gil, who stood pensively with his arms crossed, putting his hands on the others shoulders with a smile. It was meant as a comforting gesture, it worked on his patrons at times, but it felt different with Gil. It was wrong. There was a tension.   
He wasn’t sure why he was doing this, no—that was a lie. He knew why he was doing this. It was all crumbling. Gil was the strong wind knocking him off the tightrope he had been so meticulously traipsing for so long, and he wasn’t sure he minded.   
“It’s going to be just fine. I’ll take care of it.”  
“I know you will. I’m the only person who understands you, you know that right?”  
He was absolutely right about that. The connection that flowed between them was blood red and strong enough to break the chains that Kirei had used to keep the beast he truly was inside. No one, not Claudia, not his father, not the acquaintances he had, had ever seen past his facade. This really was the first time anyone had truly seen him, and he didn’t want to lose that gaze. “I do.”   
His red eyes were as dark as his tone “And I haven’t run away yet, knowing what you are. You owe me this. You’ll take care of this for me.”  
“I will.”  
“Promise me, priest.”   
Kirei let his hands trail from Gil’s shoulders to his arms. “I promise.”  
“Again.”  
He paused, but didn’t blink or break eye contact, no, if anything he strengthened his grip on Gil’s arms. He had no intention of breaking this promise, it was as good as sacred. “I promise.”  
“Good.” He pried himself out of Kirei’s grip “now get to it.”


	7. 7

“Get to it” Gil had said. And he did. A perfectly formulated plan that would only take a few days to execute. A cash in of a owed favor here, an email there.  
That was how Cu ended up in his office Thursday morning.  
“You wanted to talk to me?” He asked, entering Kirei’s office and closing the door behind him. Good. No need to have anyone overhearing anything.  
“Yes. I’ve been thinking about your situation, I was a student too once, believe it or not, and I realized I’ve been too harsh on you.”  
Cu looked relieved already, posture losing it’s tense apprehension.  
“Your only wish is to graduate with your friends at the end of this semester, yes? For me to take that away from you would be wrong, even if your work has been lackluster.”  
“Thank you so much Father—“  
“But.” He cut him off abruptly, “You’ll need to do something for me.”  
He gave an inquisitive look.  
“You’d do anything to pass my class, yes?”  
“Uh...” Cu rubbed the back of his neck momentarily, looking conflicted. “You’re... you’re not really my type but—fuck it. Alright, let’s do this—“  
What.  
Kirei cut him off before he was even able to unbutton the first button on his ugly green shirt by handing him an envelope, a bit disgusted. “Inside you’ll find an address, keys, and money. You are to drive a car to the given address, have the car disposed of, pay the owner of said dispensary, and travel back here. Repeat to me your orders.”  
“Oh uh… I thought you meant—Um... drive a car to an address. Pay the guy... and somehow get back here?”  
“Good. There is one more step as well. Ensure that the car is fully destroyed. I need you to make visual confirmation of this fact, is that clear?”  
“I... I don’t know...”  
“No. You do know. You’re going to graduate at the end of this semester, Cu. Are you considering grad school?”  
He was staring at the blank envelope, expression conflicted. “Yeah.”  
“Do this for me and do it well and in turn I will personally assure you entrance to the grad school of your choosing.”  
“And if I don’t...”  
Kirei smiled. “You will.”  
He took the naive Cu to the car he needed to dispose of, Gil’s car, that is. Shinji's body still in the trunk. When Kirei had asked Gil if he would miss said car his response was simple: “It’s just a damn car. There’s a million others out there just like it.”  
The chop shop that was his destination was many hours away. Cu left immediately, and if he were diligent he’d be back on campus before anyone even wondered where he went. Kirei ensured that Cu knew better than to attempt to contact him at all during his trip, and assured him that the less questions he asked the better his final grade would be.  
College students were so easy to manipulate. Just make them think they’d have a promising future and that their hard work was worth it and they’d do anything.  
It was almost disappointing how easy the disposal was. As much as Kirei would love a hands on approach to this, he knew better than to take that risk. Maybe, now that his future was as clear as a polluted lake, he’d have that chance someday, but not today. The only problem that still stood in his way was—  
“That bastard Kariya,” Gil sat on the desk in Kirei’s church office. Gil had commented on the fact that he had two offices—one at the college and one in the church—saying that it made him seem like he was overcompensating for being a husk of a human being or something like that. Kirei was just glad he had visited unexpectedly, it made telling him his plans with Cu much easier.  
“I wasn’t going to come here, you know, I was going to avoid your creepy face for a while—so nobody would get suspicious—but he saw me walking outside, since I don’t have a fucking car anymore.” Gil’s annoyed tone seemed to be a cover for his exasperation.  
“He accosted you?”  
“You have a masters degree, I get it.” He rolled his eyes, “But yeah, sure, he “accosted” me. Asked where I was going and if I was headed to see you since you told him that you’re helping me with my personal problems.”  
“I did what I could with the limited amount of time I had to come up with a viable excuse, Gil.”  
“Yeah, whatever, but he’s watching us. He’s obsessive and suspicious. That’s a dangerous mix.”  
He was right. He took a sip of the wine Gil had insisted they open upon his arrival as he attempted to get more comfortable in the wooden chair in front of his desk that was usually reserved for office visitors, as his student sat comfortably upon his desk, acting as though it were just another royal throne that he had every right to confidently occupy. “Don’t overthink it," Kirei assured. "If he’s watching us we just need to act natural. Give him no reason to become even more wary.”  
Gil sighed and sipped his wine, “Fine.” he stated, crossing his legs as a sort of punctuation.  
“Do you have a better idea?” Kirei asked, quirking a brow.  
“No, I don’t. I’m just annoyed that I’m going to have to spend more time than I already do with you.”  
“Hm? And here I thought you liked spending time with me?”  
Gil scoffed and finished his wine in one gulp. “Believe whatever you will. Now, tell me about this plan involving Chulainn.”  
He explained the plan to Gil, who poured himself more wine the moment he got the gist of it. In the end, he seemed to approve for the most part, though he was a bit bothered by the fact that Kirei had involved another person in the situation. He explained that the car would be disposed of by an expert who was versed in this sort of deal, and since it was so far from their current jurisdiction even if the remains were found it would be unlikely that they would connect the dots back to Shinji Matou.  
He finished his second glass by the time the tale was over. “It seems as though you’ve done me well, priest.”  
“I assure you, this will end well for both of us so long as we play our cards right from here out.”  
“You mean as long as I don’t kill anyone else?” He poured Kirei his second glass, deep red liquid filled the cheap chalice he held.  
“Well, that certainly would complicate things.”  
“I have no desire to kill again.” He was so nonchalant about it, as though they were discussing the weather. “It’s you we have to worry about.”  
“Me?” He scoffed, “I am of no concern.”  
“Liar.”  
Kirei didn’t respond, he just drank his wine in silence.  
“How did you think of all of this anyway?”  
“Hm?” He avoided eye contact for now, giving in to something like that when he already felt so cornered would be too intense.  
Gil hopped off the desk and sat instead in Kirei’s old office chair, he could never sit still. “Your little disposal plan, how’d you come up with it?”  
“It just seemed like a logical solution.”  
“Oh come on.” he leaned back in his seat. “It’s pretty obvious you’ve done this before.”  
Kirei stared into the glass he held, gritting his jaw. What reason did he have to lie? To another cold blooded murderer? Other than the fact that he loathed to even admit it to himself.  
Yes, he’d done it. Given in to the demons that slept deep within his heart. He’d tried not to, if there was anything about him that God knew it was that he had sincerely tried not to hurt anyone, tried to do no harm, no evil.  
In the end he had failed, the ruminations too strong, the fantasies so far from enough.  
God knew his darkest sin, and so did he. Gil may as well know they were the same, both destined to rot in the flames of retribution for all eternity.


	8. 8

“...I have.” He cleared his throat. “Killed before, that is... Take it as assurance that you won’t be caught. I know what I’m doing.”  
Gil laughed, delighted. “You admit it! Alright, tell me more. I absolutely need to hear about this.”  
He swallowed down more bitter wine. He’d never told anyone, not a single soul, about his darkest hours. “I don’t know where to begin. I was younger, more foolish, more impulsive.”  
“How many?”  
“Two.”  
“That’s it?” he sounded disappointed. In a dark corner of his heart he felt the same—there could have been more, he wanted there to be more, but those dark red desires had been pushed down so deeply for so long.  
“That’s it.”  
With a flair, Gil swirled the wine in his glass, his red eyes bearing into him from across the desk. “Men? Women? Or perhaps you’re bi-curious?”  
“Men, both of them.”  
He laughed as he set his wine glass down. “Let me guess, they were young, plain looking brunettes?”  
The priest could feel his brows knit together. How could he….  
“I knew it!” he laughed even more, seemingly having a great time. “You’re so easy to figure out!”  
“How did you…?”  
“Simple. You hate yourself so much that you subconsciously picked victims that bore resemblance to yourself.”  
He hadn’t even noticed, with how detached from himself he was, but it made sense. “I had never thought about it that way.”  
“That’s what I’m here for, to make you think about these things, to push you to be your best self.”  
“You mean worst self.”  
“Perspective is everything. From where I’m sitting, you look like you’re coming into your own.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this ones short but im uploading this all @ once lawl


	9. 9

Cu confirmed the car disposal during Kirei’s Friday office hours. He was offered praise and assurance that he’d graduate on time. He accepted it, but seemed to do so with a guilty conscience. That was fine, predictable. He’d get over it after a night or two of heavy drinking like any typical college student, come to some conclusion that he didn’t have a choice and that it was best if he just moved on.   
Simple minded dogs like Cu were perfect for jobs like the one he was assigned.   
The university sent out an email early on Sunday asking for any information regarding the disappearance of Shinji Matou. Kirei was sure to take a moment during Sunday’s mass to encourage his congregation to pray for his safe return home.   
Luckily for Gil, Cu, and himself, prayer was pointless.   
Gil and Kirei had worked out a schedule, Gil would visit the church one or two times a week in the evenings in order to sate Kariya’s unwavering curiosity.   
His diligence was somewhat admirable—some nights Gil would enter his office unexpectedly. Exasperated, he’d talk about how he’d been followed by a dirty old car before so generously being given a ride by the former professor, who would berrate him with questions. It seemed as though he was acting as his own private investigator.   
Those nights he would be particularly agitated. Kariya’s dedication to his detective role seemed to perturb Gil to no end. It was understandable, of course. The situation was precarious, and only became more precarious by the second.  
Kariya and his stalking aside, just as the confessional meetings they would have before it—their office meetings became a nice part of Kirei’s routine, something to look forward to.   
Sure, it made Gil miserable, and they were being forced to meet because they were covering up a murder, but it was somewhat enjoyable to spend time with Gil.  
During his visits they’d spend an hour or two alone in his office. With nothing better to do they’d share a bottle of wine and talk about many different things—philosophy, religion, Kirei. Gil had a very interesting view of life, as though he were grander than it all, and those bits of his perspective he shared were like devine gifts.  
One evening, as Gil sat in the no longer neglected couch in his church office, pouring himself another glass of wine, Kirei realized he knew almost nothing about him, besides from his perspectives on life and pleasure—of which he had many.  
He sat at his desk, working on church financing. He had a secretary, but he found himself doing many of her tasks, though he hardly minded. He liked the busywork. Gilgamesh was entertaining himself on his phone with a glass of wine in hand on the couch. Kariya had given him a ride tonight, once again, specifically to ask him questions.   
Apparently he had rambled at him about how he thought that Shinji must have been murdered, and wouldn’t stop asking about the night that he’d apparently given him a ride, so he was acting particularly sour.   
Maybe he could get his mind off of it a bit.  
“Gil...” he didn’t even look up from the page in front of him.  
“Hm?”  
“Are you even 21?”  
He paused mid sip with a grin, “You just thought to ask?”  
“It hadn’t occurred to me.”  
“How old do you think I am?”  
“Hm...” he looked across the room at Gil. He was slender, youthful, but he had an edge to him that made him seem beyond his years. The way he dressed was unusually flashy, all reds and golds and animal patterns—most college students would come to class in whatever they’d gone to sleep in the night before, but not Gil. He obviously reveled in people looking at him. “You can’t be any older than 22.”  
He smiled, “You’re close. I’m 20.”   
Kirei almost found that hard to believe. Gil was a more like an ageless being than a 20 year old man.   
“You.” Gil sipped the wine that Kirei had only just learned he had no legality to drink before tipping the glass towards the older man, as if pointing at him. “You’re old enough to be my father.”  
“I suppose I could be.” Another thought that hadn’t occurred to him. How old was his daughter now, anyway? Younger than Gil certainly.  
“Does that excite you?”  
He sighed, “No. Not particularly.”   
“You’re not terrible looking, but you know that. That’s how you get away with things, with your plain yet charming looks and your guise of holiness.”  
Kirei laughed a bit at that. “Perhaps you are right.”  
Gil moved from the couch to the wooden chair in front of Kirei’s desk. “Look here.”  
Kirei obeyed, looking up from his work, pen still in hand.   
“Hmm. I’d say you’re 42.” Gil pondered aloud as he analyzed the man before him, “You’re a bit rough. There’s clear signs of aging written on your face, but it suits you. You’re one of those types that gets better with age.” He swirled the wine in his glass before continuing his flirtation—isn’t that what it was? Flirtation? “You cover yourself up, but I’ve noticed how strong you are, a body like yours takes years of training.” Kirei could practically feel his gaze traveling over him, scrutinizing and a bit lustful. “So, am I right?.”  
“You flatter me. You’re not far off either, I’m 39.”  
“I thought I’d be close, 39 makes sense. Close to a mid life crisis but not quite there yet, or perhaps I’m your mid life crisis” He laughed, “Now—it’s your turn to flatter me.”  
He set down his pen and leaned back in his chair. “You want me to compliment you?”  
“I know you find me attractive. Most do. Or perhaps you only find me desirable when I’ve just broken a bone?”  
Debatable. “It was dislocated, not broken.”  
“Don’t try and change the subject.”  
“Fine,” He sighed and tried to pick his words carefully. Paying another compliments like this was a foreign concept. “You are... rather beautiful.”  
He was clearly unamused. “You can do better than that.”  
He could… probably. He looked at the ceiling briefly, trying to come up with some flattering prose. “You are... a finely sculpted treasure, made of pure gold. Akin to the lost holy grail.”  
Gil laughed at that, “Hm. Not bad, priest! I half expected you to talk about how I’d look smeared in gore or something along those lines.”  
“Even I can be human at times.”  
“No, you simply pretend to be human. Don’t give yourself too much credit.” He waved his hand in front of him, as though clearing the air of the whole conversation. “Enough of these games. Let’s be frank instead—do you desire me sexually, Professor?”  
Well… better to be frank I suppose. It was quite a good question. Kirei had never thought about things like this before. He’d spent all his time focusing on restraining his darkness, he never really had a phase like most teenagers or young adults where he experimented—he had wasted all of his experimentation on violence. When he’d decided to marry, he chose Claudia because of convenience—because it was normal.   
At 39 years old, this was the first time he had actually considered his own sexuality. It was a bit disconcerting, to think just how depraved he really was behind all of the walls he had built.   
Not only was he a sadist, he was apparently a sadist that desired men—his own students, even.   
The ghosts of Catholic Bishops and Popes were sure to be cursing the name Kotomine Kirei at this very revelation.  
Even so, there was no denying that there was a tension between him and his student. Every time they were alone together that tension threatened to swallow both of them whole. Kirei was absolutely fascinated by Gilgamesh—to have him close, to touch him, to hurt him.  
Yes. He did desire him, there was no denying that, especially since the murder. Or perhaps the murder was the true catalyst of his attraction? He had no idea.  
The mind of Kotomine Kirei was one of pristine organization, every thought and want and need had a category—good or bad. The bad was locked away, and the good—what little was considered good—was allowed to exist.   
Gilgamesh had caused an earthquake in his mind, the good and the bad thoughts had all been mixed and he could no longer tell them apart.   
Maybe they were all bad thoughts now, the good cursed and tainted by the bad.  
“Oh, that’s quite the sour face. Are you conflicted? It’s alright to admit it.” Gil was clearly enjoying his discomfort—they were rather similar after all.  
He sighed despite himself. Everything about the relationship they shared was warped and bruised and as hazy as a drunken consciousness. There was no avoiding the facts. I want him…. To belong to me and no one else. “Fine...I suppose I do. I desire you.”  
Gil’s face lit up at that “how obscene. You’re a virgin, yes?”  
Kirei actually laughed at that, such a foolish idea. It made him feel a small bit better.   
“You’re not?”  
“No. Of course not.” He finally bothered to have some of the wine Gil had placed in front of him ages ago.   
He seemed mildly annoyed about being wrong, but continued anyway. “You’re a priest. Isn’t that some requirement or something?”  
“No, no, not at all. Once you enter the fold you take an oath of celibacy, but your history before that does not disqualify you from priesthood.”  
He seemed a bit disinterested in the technicalities of the Catholic church, only paying half attention. “When did you become a priest?”  
“About ten years ago.”  
“So when you were 29? What were you like before that?”  
“Not very different. I was married once.”  
Gil looked like he was about to choke on his wine “A woman voluntarily let herself be taken by you?”  
“Is that so surprising? Were you not just complimenting me?”  
“We’re both men here.”  
“That changes things?”  
“Absolutely. Besides, I see you for who you are, did she?”  
Gil sounded weirdly jealous over this, it was mildly entertaining. “To a degree, but not fully.”  
“Did you love her?”  
He was silent for a moment, it’s not like he had anything to hide from Gil really. Gil was a criminal after all. They both were. “No.”  
Gil smiled at that, “Is she dead?”  
“Yes.”  
“Did you kill her?”  
“No, she was very sick.”  
“But you wish you did.”  
Kirei blinked a few times. He didn’t exactly want to say it—to say it out loud gave it life and truth and meaning. He’d admitted so much already, but he wasn’t ready to admit this.  
“I’ll take that as an answer.” He chuckled before standing up from his chair to meander around Kirei’s office. It was slightly larger than his office at the college, more dimly lit, less sparsely decorated.   
Gil stopped in front of the bookshelf by the desk, looking over the framed photos he kept there. Memories of past church events, a picture of himself and his father, there were no pictures of Claudia or his child, of course. That was just a part of his life that had passed, nothing more.  
“So you’re not a virgin, but I doubt you’re much better than one,” He lifted the photo of a younger Kirei and his father and looked it over for a moment before putting it back in its spot.  
“How do you figure?”  
“This poor unloved wife of yours, you had sex with her, one can assume, but did you fuck her?”  
“There’s a difference?”  
“The act of sex is simple and instinctually ingrained within us, it doesn’t have to be fun. To fuck someone is to put more effort into it, it isn’t as well defined. It can take many forms,” Gil took a seat upon the couch again, legs crossed confidently.  
“Why bother putting more effort into it?”  
“Are you a moron, Kotomine Kirei?”  
“...You know this about me already. I don’t experience pleasure.”  
“No, you do, to some degree. You just don’t let yourself experience it because the things you derive it from go against your own morals. You’ve trained yourself to believe that you experience no pleasure at all, but you still do.”  
“For good reason.”  
“Don’t be pathetic. These sessions of ours are all about exploring possibilities. You need to let go. Let yourself think and explore your desires. I bet I could teach you many forms of pleasure you never even realized existed—or that you were capable of experiencing.”  
“...This is something that you want?”  
“Answer that question yourself, priest.”  
Despite the distance between them the tension in the room was almost strong enough to take on a tangible form. Kirei finished his wine and stood up from his office chair.  
Gilgamesh wasn’t wrong, he rarely was.  
“Gil, maybe we should—“  
A knock at the door seemed to mildly startle the both of them out of the twisted world they shared when alone together.   
Kirei cleared his throat unconsciously “...Yes?”  
His secretary’s voice came from the other side of the door. “Father? There’s someone here to see you. Shall I send him in?”   
“Who the fuck is that?” Gil looked angry that their moment had been interrupted, which was fair. Kirei was a bit perturbed and a bit relieved.   
“Just a moment.” He called out before putting away the wine, didn’t need any guests knowing he let a 20 year old drink like a fish. Gil finished his glass before handing it over. “Be on your best behavior.”   
“Tell yourself that.”   
At that, a familiar face entered the office.   
“Haven’t been here in a while,” He stepped in and looked around. “Just as depressing as the last time I was here.”  
“Officer Kiritsugu, it’s nice to see you.” It wasn’t, really, the presence of any sort of officer—let alone the chief of campus police—at a time like this was nothing if not extremely distressing. “Would you like to take a seat? I was just talking with one of my students.”  
Kiritsugu looked over at Gil for a moment and seemed to ultimately decide that he’d rather lean against the door. “You’re Gilgamesh, right?”  
Gil simply nodded in response.  
He sighed. “I’ll cut to the chase here, you know Kariya Matou, yeah?”  
“Yes, of course. We were acquaintances back when he worked at the college.”  
“Well, he seems to believe that both you and your student here have something to do with Shinji Matou’s disappearance.”  
“Why would he think that?” Kirei asked, trying to seem puzzled. Gil’s serpentine eyes seemed to glow red in the light, inspecting the officer harshly from the corner.  
“I don’t know. He’s got all these theories, he was spewing them all at me at once and I’m not gonna lie—I didn’t exactly listen to most of them, but I promised I’d check you two out for him.”  
“Theories?” He hadn’t realized that Kariya’s obsession was getting this bad. He knew he had been asking Gilgamesh questions and playing detective, but having theories was a whole different thing.  
“Listen, I said I don’t know. Something about Tokiomi and you and Gilgamesh, that guy’s not well, I’m really only doing this so he’ll leave me alone.”  
Kirei sighed, at least they didn’t have anything suspicious in the church. “If it helps him feel better, of course you can look around, Gil, would you like to head home for tonight?”  
Gil looked annoyed as he got up and gathered his things, Kariya was a touchy subject for him, finding out that he had been talking with the campus police certainly wasn’t going to win him the blonde’s favor—but then again, what would? “Yeah, gladly.”   
Kirei let Officer Kiritsugu search around his church. He accompanied him from room to room as he gave each one a half hearted once over.   
Kiritsugu and Kirei had never once gotten along, it was as though the pair were both meant to be rivals. Even so, there was almost no way he would actually suspect Kirei of murder.  
...Probably.  
It didn’t take long for him to determine that the church was indeed crime scene free. He paused at the front steps when he was done, lighting a cigarette. “You know, you’ve always creeped me out.”  
Well that was uncalled for. “I appreciate your honesty, I suppose.”  
The winter wind made the smoke he exhaled dance unpredictably around his tired expression. “Just being creepy alone doesn’t make you a murderer, I guess,” he turned to glance at him, “Though I wouldn’t be shocked if you were.”  
Kirei scoffed at that. “I’m a man of God. I would never hurt anyone.”  
Kiritsugu rolled his eyes before taking another drag, “Mhmm. Tell that to Kariya.”  
“He’s not well. It’s rather tragic what’s happening to him. I hardly recognized him when I saw him the other day.”  
“And I’m sure you’ll be seeing more of him.”  
“Can’t you convince him that I’m not involved in this?”  
His expression was unreadable as he flicked his cigarette into the street. “Nah, not going to do that.”  
“Why?”  
He shrugged as he walked away. “Maybe I’m not convinced either.”


	10. 10

He had trouble sleeping that night, not that he was worried—he was just agitated at the situation with Kariya. Not to mention the fact that Kirei found himself feeling a little bit wanting of the things he and Gilgamesh had so candidly discussed.  
It was hardly his fault, Gil was temptation embodied.  
It was a Monday morning when the email arrived. It was from Cu, who did not arrive in class, a simple “we need 2 talk. about the car thing” message; how infuriating. Had he no idea how to talk to a professor? To a priest?  
He showed it to Gil after class had ended.  
“This is bad.” Gil scoffed. “I knew he couldn’t be trusted.”  
“The fact that he’s coming to me first should be a comfort to us both.”  
He sighed. “You’re right, for once. Fine. Tell him to come to the church tonight. You talk to him and if things go badly I’ll be there to back you up.”  
“In what sense?”  
“Don’t be stupid, Kirei.”  
He told Cu to arrive at the church that evening, blamed his busy schedule for not being able to meet sooner. He showed up around 7pm as was agreed upon. Kirei was sure to immediately drop whatever it was he was doing and greet him as warmly as he could. Unbeknownst to Cu, Gil waited in his office, if things went poorly he’d escort him inside and they’d deal with the situation together.  
Cu seemed to be in a state. He looked tired and guilty. “Nice church you got here.”  
“Thank you, it is my life’s work. Now, what is it you wanted to talk about?”  
He looked around warily before looking back at Kirei. “It’s... safe to talk here right?”  
The church was empty besides Gil, Kirei didn’t have the largest congregation and there were no activities going on that night. “Of course. Would you like to sit down? We have tea, coffee.” And wine if Gil hadn’t already drank all of it. He made a mental note to go and purchase more soon.  
“Nah I’m good, listen I just...” He took a deep breath “I think we need to go to the cops.”  
Kirei tried to look surprised, it probably didn’t work though. He wasn’t much of an actor. In elementary school plays he was always cast as a tree—or a rock if he were extra lucky. “There’s no need for that, I assure you.”  
“No! There is! What I did... what you had me do... it was fucked up. There was... a body in that car wasn’t there. Just admit it.” His fists were clenched and he was avoiding eye contact like it would physically burn him—Chulainn was not his normal self at all.  
“I know how the situation looks, Cu, but I promise you—“  
“No! No, don’t you promise me anything! That whole fucking car... that smell... we’re going to the damn cops… both of us! Together!” it was a good thing no one was around, he was being rather loud.  
This was going poorly. Ah, well, c'est la vie as they say, no? At least he’d get to see Gil covered in blood as he so desired.  
He put his hand on Cu’s shoulder and lead him along to his office, feeling jubilant. “I understand your concerns, you’re a smart young man with a strong moral compass, come, let’s discuss this further in my office, alright?”  
When they entered Gil was waiting on the couch, eyebrows raised in some kind of mock surprise with a dash of disappointment.  
“What... what’s he doing in here?” Cu gestured to Gil, who gave a slight wave in response  
“Chulainn.” Gil greeted, with a less than interested nod.  
“Don’t mind him. He’s been assisting me with various tasks around the church. Have a seat.”  
As Kirei urged Cu to take a seat, Gil moved over and patted the spot on the sofa next to him. Cu looked skeptical, yet played along as Kirei closed the door—quietly locking it for good measure. He made eye contact with Gil and tried to silently convey that it had come to that point as he stood by the door, just in case. Plus, he’d have a great view from there.  
“No no no, you sit down too Kirei.” Gil pointed at the wooden chair in front of the office desk as he gave his orders. Well... alright. He turned the chair so that it was facing the two of them and took a reluctant seat.  
Kirei took a mental note of the fact that Gil didn’t exactly have the aura of someone about to commit murder...  
Cu laughed nervously, glancing between the two of them. “Really not liking this, guys.”  
“Be quiet, Chulainn.” Gil snapped as he poured him a glass of wine and forced it in his hands. He twisted himself on the couch to face Cu, one elbow resting upon the back. Kirei felt like no more than a voyeur in this situation. “Listen here and listen well. I’m just as embroiled in this mess as you are—if not more so.”  
What was he doing? Kirei tried his best to believe that this would end well. He sat uncomfortably in his seat, trying not to make that fact obvious.  
Gil continued, “That car you disposed of? It was mine.”  
“Oh shit really? Uh... I’m sorry about that man.” Cu started, staring at his suddenly acquired glass of wine in a state of obvious insecurity.  
“I said be quiet. Now, you must be aware of what it is you’ve done—you disposed of a corpse.”  
Cu stared into the liquid contained by his glass like he was going to be sick. For a moment Kirei wondered if perhaps he could be cute at times too, like Gil.  
“I’ll take your expression as a yes. The emotions you’re feeling now—guilt, regret, anger, these are because you don’t understand in full the situation in which you find yourself. I will tell you the truth that Father Kotomine understandably kept from you.” Gil’s voice was melodic and soothing Kirei was annoyed that he didn’t just kill him, honestly. He knew he had a hidden weapon on him. “The corpse you disposed of, it hardly matters. What you did—what we all did—was to protect a woman. A young mother.”  
Kirei knew that fact to be untrue. Shinji Matou was rather far from a young mother... he was a student at the college, although he’d never seen him before he turned up in Gil’s trunk. So this is how he planned to handle it, not murder, but manipulation. He’d spin a tale with his honeyed words and golden voice, it was smart. It could work.  
Cu looked up from his wine, interested in the story. “This woman married young, and had two children, they are patrons of this very church. She attends each Sunday, a small comfort in her hellish life. Indeed, as is all too common, her husband was her tormentor. An awful man. A drunk, an abuser—truly the worst society has to offer. Try as she might no one believed her claims, no one listened to her cries, the system failed her as it has failed so many others before. She put up with her torture to protect her children, but when her husband nearly attacked their daughter—she knew she could no longer simply put up with the abuse, or else he’d turn on the children as well. She killed him, and after that she went to the only place she’d ever found comfort and acceptance—this church. Do you understand now what you’ve done, Chulainn?”  
Cu bit his lip, conflicted still. “I... but... why didn’t she just go to the police?”  
“Fool. You think they would believe her? That they would allow her to go free? It would have ruined not just her life but the life of her two children as well—children who have already been through more than enough.”  
“But—“  
There was more passion in his voice now, commanding attention and conviction. “There is no but! Chulainn—What you did was dispose of pure garbage! The human incarnation of filth! If any other course of action had been taken, her children would be ripped from her care—separated, bounced from foster home to foster home, made even more traumatized then they already are! Now rejoice, and drink your wine! You feel guilt only because your actions are found wrong in the eyes of the law—that doesn’t make them wrong in the eyes of God!”  
Kirei was pretty impressed at Gil's sermon. It was a good story. He wondered how long it had taken Gil to come up with it. Days? Or had he run on pure impulse?  
Cu sighed and seemed to relax a bit. “So... this has nothing to do with that missing student?”  
“That is an unrelated event.” Kirei finally spoke up, hoping his voice did not drip insecurity.  
Cu relaxed even more. “Ah... fuck... I’m sorry I got so messed up over it. It’s just... when I saw that email about the missing person... I got so freaked out...” Cu stated vulnerably.  
“But you understand now, yes? If you go to the police you ruin not only the lives of everyone in this room, but the lives of an abused woman and her two young children.” The conviction in the voice of the golden male was commendable in it's own manipulative right.  
“Yeah, I get it. Shit... thank you for being honest with me.” Cu rubbed the back of his neck, processing it all.  
“I’m sorry I wasn’t candid with you before, Cu. I had no time to explain.” The professor stated, hoping to cover up any suspicion Cu held against him.  
“Nah, it’s fine, I get it now...” he drank some of his wine with a cringe, “Damn that’s strong... um... you’re still gonna get me into grad school right, Father?”  
“Of course. Nothing has changed.” Kirei stated, gaining his own security back.  
Cu finished off his glass and stood up, he obviously had no desire to spend more time here than necessary. “Thank you, again...I think I’m gonna head home. Don’t worry, I won’t do anything stupid.” He chuckled nervously as Kirei took his empty glass and discreetly unlocked the office door.  
Gil stood up as Cu did. “I’m headed out too, let’s walk together Chulainn. Just give me one moment.”  
“Yeah sure, I’ll see you outside, have a nice night, Professor.”  
“It is no problem at all.” Kirei stated with a disingenuous smile, but the moment Cu was gone he spoke his truth to Gil. “That was impressive, you handled the situation well...”  
“I know. With a simpleton like Chulainn its best to play upon his sensitivities.” He said plainly as he started for the door, but Kirei blocked his way.  
“Truly, your display afforded us the luxury of not having to deal with more unnecessary death—“  
“I get it. Stop pretending that you wouldn’t be more pleased with a different outcome.”  
Of course he saw through that. “You are invaluable.” he said, softly. Perhaps it was the fact that the emptiness he felt threatened to swallow him whole after the disappointment of Cu’s survival, but he took a step forward, leaned down and pressed his lips against Gil’s, it was a quick action, chaste—wrought with restraint.  
When he pulled back Gil immediately wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, looking surprised and amused. “Don’t surprise me like that.”  
He found himself still staring at the others mouth—this foreign situation was difficult for him to navigate. He leaned in again despite himself, but Gil placed a hand on his chest and pushed him back, wearing a smirk on his face. “Chulainn is waiting for me, creep.”


	11. 11

Chulainn began attending class regularly again. He looked less guilty, and like he was actually sleeping again. Good. It was better this way, they didn’t need another corpse to dispose of.   
Or at least that’s what he told himself.   
Kariya’s behavior remained unchanged even despite Kiritsugu’s search.  
In fact, things only seemed to be escalating. He’d often sit outside of the church in his car, and Kirei caught him digging through his trash a few times. It was truly getting out of hand.  
Luckily, though, it seemed that no one would listen to him. It was almost sad to watch, knowing that he was actually right about some of his assumptions and seeing no one take him seriously due to his condition.  
Gil reclined in the couch in Kirei’s church office, paging through a bible as Kirei graded his students work. “What’s that guy’s problem anyway?”  
“Whose?”  
“You know, our stalker.”  
“Ah, well, what isn’t that guy’s problem would be a better question.”  
“Tell me more.”  
“It’s not that exciting.”  
“Tell me anyway. I enjoy your voice at times.”  
A weird compliment, but not unwelcome. “He has some sort of degenerative illness, I forget what exactly, but it’s undoubtedly eating away at his mind as well as his body.”  
Gil laughed, “What a shame. Someone should put an end to his suffering.”  
“Hm, yes someone should.”  
Gil laughed again, but it was much more sinister. “I love stories with a happy ending. Now, are you going to kill him, or what?”  
“Hm?”  
“Kariya. Come on, it must have crossed your mind. He’s the only person that stands in our way.”  
“As terrible as I am, Gil, I am rational. Murder should only be resorted to when all other options have been exhausted.”  
“Because all our options had been exhausted with Chulainn when you wanted me to kill him?”  
Kirei was silent for a moment. “That was foolish of me, I admit. I was being selfish.”  
“You just wanted to get off on me stabbing someone.”  
Kirei didn’t respond, he just went back to grading his papers as Gil went back to flipping through a bible. They shared a comfortable silence for a time, only the sound of the wall clock ticking away diligently filled the room for a time.  
Of course, Gil loved to hear his own voice too much to stay silent for long.   
“You’ve actually read this garbage?”  
“Many times.”  
He flipped through the old yellowed pages. “Oh, Father Kotomine—can we talk about this line here?”  
“Hm?”  
“ ‘Yet she became more and more promiscuous as she recalled the days of her youth, when she was a prostitute in Egypt. There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses.’ ” He was laughing, more genuinely than he usually did. There was no denying it was cute.   
“Ah yes, from Ezekiel.”  
“The fact that you know what part it’s from...” Gil tried to stifle his laughter. He sat up in his seat and flipped around some more. “Oh here’s another good one—‘And the king said unto her, What aileth thee? And she answered, This woman said unto me, Give thy son, that we may eat him to day, and we will eat my son to morrow. So we boiled my son, and did eat him: and I said unto her on the next day, Give thy son, that we may eat him: and she hath hid her son....’ ” he was laughing again, “Priest! Do, pray tell, what esoteric wisdom lies in these words?”  
“Well, it’s being taken out of context—“  
“No context could make this holy!”  
It was true—most Christian’s simply ignored the stranger verses in the holy book—either that or they overanalyzed them to a manic degree, trying to make sense of the senseless.   
Gil snapped the Bible shut and placed it next to him on the couch, looking devious. “Do you actually believe the things written in here to be fact?”  
“No.” He responded honestly, “I see it as more of a guide to life.”  
“So... you believe in God?”  
He was trying to press his buttons again, he did this from time to time. Kirei sighed. “I’ve told you before. I don’t know.”  
“Because if God were real, he wouldn’t have made you the way you are, yes?”  
“We are taught that he created all things for a reason, both good and bad.”  
“Alright, allow me to change my statement. If god were real he would have fixed you by now. You follow his doctrine, teach his word, live a life of repression and boredom, and what do you get in return for all these years you’ve spent in fierce dedication?”  
Kirei didn’t want to have this conversation. “That’s enough for tonight, yes? It’s late. You should be going.”  
“Kicking me out just because you don’t want to face the truth? That’s sad, even for you.”  
“I have pondered this question many times to no avail. I have no wish to further discuss it with you.”  
“Doing the exact same thing over and over again and expecting different results is the definition of insanity.”  
“What?”  
“Why do you bother continuing to do things the same way as you always have when you’ve obviously come to the same conclusion that I just have? It’s pointless.”  
“Gil, that’s enough.”  
“It’s pointless. Your entire life, pushing back urges, praying for salvation, all pointless.”  
He stood up from his desk and approached the other, if he’d have to forcefully remove Gil from his church for the second time he could.   
Of course he knew it was pointless, he wasn’t stupid, but he didn’t want to think about it right now. He had enough on his mind with Detective Kariya Matou.  
Gil smiled. “You’re worthless. Even your God has abandoned you.”  
He grabbed Gil by the front of his shirt, which wasn’t exactly how he meant to go about it, but his judgement was clouded. The motion did nothing to quiet the other of course. “But I haven’t abandoned you.” Kirei paused, hands still gripping his shirt, although less forcefully. “Unlike your false God I’m still here, and I’ve accepted you. Does that not make me better than him? More worthy of worship?”  
Gil grabbed the cross he wore by its chain and pulled him down hard. Luckily the chain didn’t snap. When their mouths met it was nothing like the night with Chulainn, it was violent, rough, dizzying.   
Gil let go of the chain and moved his hands to Kirei’s hair, grabbing fistfuls of it and pulling him closer, he could hardly keep his balance, but he kept upright by catching himself on the back of the couch, a knee landing between Gil’s legs, he pressed himself against it. Kirei figured this would happen eventually. It was only a matter of time before the mutual fascination pushed them to this point.  
He’d never been kissed quite like this before—with so much pent up aggression and passion. He had no idea it could feel so good, hell, he could hardly keep up.  
“I want you to worship me.” His voice was low, breath ragged. He bit the older man’s lower lip.   
Kirei could hardly think, this was strange, absolutely foreign to him. So Gil wanted to be worshiped? He could do that, he supposed. “How...” he couldn’t even find his words, couldn’t formulate a thought. “How can I serve you?”  
“On your knees.”   
He immediately obeyed. Above him Gil composed himself a bit, wiped the extra spit from his lips and leaned back to unbutton his pants, pushing them down to his thighs, of course he went commando.   
He was hard, not painfully so, but hard enough. He kept himself well kempt it seemed—his hair was blonde here too. Kirei was a bit surprised about that, he would have guessed Gil to be a bottle blonde.   
“Get to it,” His voice was commanding, even more so than usual.   
Kirei didn’t know how to do this. He really didn’t. He was a man of few talents after all—and he had already proved himself to be poor at kissing.   
Despite himself he wanted to do it, to obey Gil’s orders, if more out of curiosity than arousal. As he leaned forward Gil caught him by the hair again, forcing him to make eye contact.   
“No teeth, priest.”  
He knew that at least. He knew the basics. He tried to fit as much as he could in his mouth, Gil wasn’t massive, but he also wasn’t small.   
Kirei proved himself to be fairly bad at giving head—to no one’s surprise. He had no rhythm, everything he did was experimental at best. Gil laughed at him, though his voice sounded slightly different, steeped in lust and a bit breathless. Had he really caused that?   
“Enough of this.” He said after a minute or two before pulling Kirei’s head up again and repositioning himself on the couch. “Try not to choke.”  
Ah, so that’s how it would be. The idea wasn’t bad, it was certainly more efficient as well. He put his hands on Gil’s hips and took him in his mouth again, Gil didn’t waste any time thrusting into it, which was fine, he could handle it—or perhaps more than handle it, maybe this was a hidden talent? That would be ironic.   
It hurt, his throat ached as Gil pushed himself deeper into his mouth. His jaw hurt keeping his mouth stretched open as best as he could. His scalp stung from his hair being tugged and gripped. His knees felt stiff and pained from the wooden floor. It was hard to breathe. Now he understood a little better what Gil meant when he said that there were many different types of pleasure—maybe this could be considered one of them? Kirei felt his hands unconsciously trying to grab at something—anything to anchor himself. One gripped Gil’s shirt, the other one of his own thighs.  
What made it even more intriguing a situation was the vitriol being spilled above him, Gil never could get enough of his own voice.   
“I know you’re enjoying this, you’re worse than garbage.” More, “How long have you dreamed of someone doing this to you?” And more, “This is your rightful place.”   
His words became sparse towards the finale, and he didn’t warn him when he finally came, just pressed himself as deeply into Kirei’s throat as he could. They were both lucky Kirei didn’t have much in the ways of a gag reflex after his years of self torture.   
When he finally released his hair Kirei fell back to his elbows on the floor—all he could really do was try to catch his breath and cough from the irritation in his throat. He wiped his mouth with the back of his sleeve, felt his eyes watering and his face glistening with sweat; he was a mess.   
“Not bad. You actually took that well.” Gil said, catching his own breath as well. “This is a look that suits you, priest.” Gil laughed and pulled his pants back on. “Did you enjoy it?”  
Kirei thought about getting up or maybe changing positions on the floor at least, but when Gil pressed one of his shoes against his erection, he changed his mind.   
“Come on. Speak! I didn’t think you would be so easily broken!”  
“My apologies,” his voice sounded hoarse already. He’d have to tell people he had a cold or something “I... enjoyed it, yes.”  
“What was with the pause?”  
“I told you—I don’t experience p—”  
“So you lied? You felt nothing serving me? It was boring?”  
“No.”  
“Then what was it!? Speak your mind!”  
Kirei didn’t consider himself a masochist. His pain tolerance was high, disturbingly high. He didn’t exactly like pain, but he didn’t dislike it either. The distance he had from it made it something he could relatively passively experience.   
Even so, he didn’t not enjoy the experience he’d just had. It was difficult to parse the way he felt—besides the disgust.   
If he were being honest... “I would have rather had you at my mercy than the other way around. But I did not loathe it. I’d do it again.”  
“Predictable.” He scoffed and pressed his foot down harder, “Had you any desire to sleep with another man before myself?”  
“No,” he tried to ignore the pressure between his thighs “I... don’t really think about such things—you know that.”   
“Men suit you, Kirei.”  
“I don’t understand.” He kept his hips still as Gil rocked his leg back and forth, varying the pressure. The pain that accompanied it was dull and teasing, he didn’t touch himself often—or ever really—the stimulation was pleasurable but his position on the floor felt too vulnerable, made him feel vile. He was older, more experienced, respected even—yet here he was splayed before a student, and a male student at that.   
He sighed despite his restraint. Perhaps what he was enjoying wasn’t the humiliation he himself experienced, but the thought of doing this exact thing to someone else—to Gilgamesh.   
Kirei couldn’t put himself into the position of another, couldn’t empathize. If he ever got Gil into this position, he’d be able to remember what it felt like now that he’d had it done to him.   
Yes, that was where the true pleasure lie, in the sated curiosity of what others experience in a moment of suffering.  
“Kirei. Come on now. Use that head of yours again and figure out what it is I’m saying with that statement.” His tone was mocking. It made him feel even worse.   
He thought about what he meant for a moment instead of thinking about how long it’d been since he’d bothered to masturbate. Years probably. “What you’re saying... is that women deserve better than me.”  
“Yes, yes, there you go. You’re forgetting, though, that men are disgusting creatures by nature. They use and they hurt, that’s what you deserve. To be used.”   
He may deserve it, but it isn’t what he desired, the moment they’d just shared answered that question. He’d much rather be the one doing the using. Gil could be his perfect toy, perhaps Chulainn as well.   
From time to time this kind of situation could be fine too, it kept the fire in Gil’s eyes burning. Kirei didn’t want to see it put out, he’d have to be careful with how he treated him in the future to ensure that.   
Gil looked at his phone momentarily and laughed, “Oh. You were right. It is late, I should be going. No matter, I didn’t plan on letting you finish anyway.”


	12. 12

The semester would be coming to a close soon enough, winter break was just around the corner and it showed in most of his student’s work.   
Gil was a good student, oddly enough, but maybe Kirei was biased.   
No matter how well Gil did, though, Cu was top of the class. He hardly tried at all since he knew he would pass with flying colors either way, and Kirei hated it. Sometimes he wouldn’t even show up—but he’d mark him present anyway. If only Gil had just killed him.   
The search for Shinji was still going strong, but there were no new leads. Kirei found himself wondering more and more what had transpired the night that he had died—Gil had never told him. Never even gave a hint as to his motives other than that he “hadn’t intended for him to die.”  
He’d get to the bottom of it someday. Gil liked talking too much to keep it a secret forever, especially with how close they had become.   
The question of if Gil would still come around after the semester had ended had been posed once. Gil had rather blandly asked if he even had a choice.   
That was good. Kirei didn’t want to lose Gil, or the freedom that he offered. Their relationship was odd, as to be expected. There were many layers to it—the manipulation on both ends, the fact that Gil had taught him so much and that he had so much more to teach him.   
Love in the traditional sense was not a part of the equation. Love was selfless and trusting—something that neither of them were—but Kirei didn’t want him to go anywhere, didn’t want him to leave him alone with his regrets and self hatred again, and that was the closest thing he’d ever experienced to love.   
That’s not to say that Kirei didn’t want to kill him at all, of course, he just didn’t want to kill him currently. He wanted him around—to talk to, to philosophize with, to fuck—in all senses of the word. The aforementioned they still hadn’t done proper yet, somehow. In fact, they hadn’t done much in the way of sex since the night he’d had his throat used.   
Kirei wondered if perhaps Gil was waiting for him to make a move.  
Gil had invited him to his apartment once or twice, but Kirei denied it. He liked the slow tension they had growing between them. He wanted Gil to ache for him. The longer they waited the more frustrated he’d become.  
The subject of visiting him came up yet again one evening as they sat together as usual.   
“Come to my apartment this weekend. We’ll celebrate the end of the semester together.”  
“You don’t have friends that you’d rather be celebrating with?”  
“I do, but this will be more exciting than a boring college party.”  
Kirei didn’t understand the nature of Gil’s desire towards him, and he couldn’t put himself in his shoes to try to figure it out. If he had to take a guess he’d say that he likely had some serious parental issues. “You want me to come to your apartment so we can have sex, yes?”  
“Was that not obvious?” Gil rolled his eyes, “We both want this.”  
“I won’t lie. I don’t understand why you want me. You could have anyone.”  
“You don’t scare me you know. You’re different, you interest me and I’ve grown tired of sex with asinine strangers. Does that answer your question?”  
It made a bit of sense. The fascination was mutual.  
Now was as good a time as any, and the tension between them was reaching a crescendo. This was the second time Gil had invited him over in the span of a few days. “Fine, you’ve convinced me, but only if you agree to tell me more about what happened with Shinji.”  
“Deal.”  
They agreed on Friday evening. Gil wrote down his address for Kirei with a pen and paper, noting that the fact he didn’t make use of his outdated cell phone was both disturbing and made him a “filthy disgusting mongrel.”   
He wasn’t really sure what Gil’s reasoning was for that.   
He wasn’t sure about Gil’s reasoning for most things, actually.   
Kirei told his secretary that he wouldn’t be around Friday evening, and probably not on Saturday morning either—Gil hadn’t insisted that he stay over, or even mentioned it, but with Gil’s affinity for alcohol he figured he’d be drunk and in no shape to drive by the end of the evening either way.  
His secretary was delighted that he would actually be gone for a change, which was a bit rude now that he thought about it. She had asked what his plans were—he said he was visiting family. She had said she was excited for him, and commented that he was smiling more often than he used to.   
Before she let him go, though, she said that he had a visitor waiting in his office. He could only guess who it was as he stepped through the door.  
Kariya was digging through his desk drawer—he looked embarrassed to be caught, he dropped what he had in his hand back into the drawer and quickly closed it. “I—I’m sorry…”  
Kirei fought back his agitation as best he could, but it still dripped into his voice. “What are you doing.”  
“I’m just… you’ve been… um…”  
Kirei closed the door behind him a little more forcefully than he had intended. “You can’t be doing these things, Kariya, this is getting out of hand.”  
He looked mad now, which was surprising. Kirei had always considered him nothing more than a meak spineless man. “No! I know that Gilgamesh killed Shinji!”  
“So why haven’t the police done anything about it?”  
His eyes were far away, he seemed to have no intention of answering that question. “Listen, Kirei, you have to hear me out—no one will listen to me! It’s Tokiomi! He’s involved with this I know he is…”  
Ah yes, Tokiomi Tohsaka, the president of the college. He remembered from their conversations years ago that he hated that man with quite the passion due to some sort of boring family drama. “No one will listen to you because you’re being ridiculous, Kariya.”  
He looked hurt by that. “He’s doing this out of revenge because of what happened with his wife being… assaulted… she hasn’t even recovered fully. He must have thought it was one of the Matou’s and now he’s trying to get some kind of revenge.”  
He remembered that occurring about a year ago, it was all over the news. They’d never figured out who exactly had strangled Aoi Tohsaka half to death, and she was in no condition to give a statement, even a year later. His theory wasn’t a bad one really. “Tokiomi would never—”  
“He didn’t do it! He got your student Gilgamesh to do it! I—I know things about him! He’s bad news! That’s why he had his phone! I know it Kirei—you have to believe me, no one else will believe me!”  
He wasn’t sure how it happened, but the next thing he knew he was throwing Kariya down against the cold pavement outside. “Stay away from this place. If I catch you digging through my things again it’s going to end badly for you, do you understand?”  
He shouldn’t be doing this, shouldn’t be baring his teeth at such a small indiscretion, but maybe it would get the point across. Not to mention that he didn’t have the time to deal with this. He had places to be.   
He slammed the door and left Kariya writhing against the pavement without another word.


	13. Chapter 13

He managed to forget about Kariya Matou by instead preparing for the night ahead. It had been a long time since he’d done anything remotely like this. It made him feel a bit gross—in a good way, that is.   
He decided to forego the vestments, the cross as well for good measure. Didn’t need anyone seeing him and wondering why a priest was buying a bottle of single malt and showing up at a 20 year olds apartment.   
It was a bit odd going without the collar. People treated you differently when you wore one, obviously, they were usually nicer, but some people were total assholes about it.   
He hardly remembered how to prepare for a date. That’s what this was, right? A date? If one went by technical terms the answer was probably yes.   
A shave and a shower, perhaps? That made sense. Didn’t want to look like Kiritsugu on a good day, especially not Kiritsugu on a bad day.   
He looked himself in the mirror, something he didn’t do often—it usually made him feel a bit sick. Yeah. He needed a shave. And his hair was getting to be a damn mess, he hadn’t even noticed, it was starting to do that thing in the back where it would flip. Whatever. Not like he had time for a haircut.   
He cleaned himself up and got dressed. Basically all of Kirei’s clothes were black. As a priest, one must dress modestly and professionally. Black pants. Black shoes. Black... dress shirt? He looked in the mirror again. No. Dammit. He looked like he was headed to a funeral. The kind Shinji’s parents would probably never get to have for him—he caught his reflection in the full length mirror he usually kept covered—oh there was that smile. The one that Gil said gave him nightmares. Perhaps just a black tee shirt would do.   
Wardrobe fixed, he looked at himself again. Yeah, this worked. The shirt was a bit tight, he hadn’t bought new clothes in a long time. Apparently he was less muscular the last time he did—just another thing he hadn’t even noticed. He didn’t pay himself much mind. The act of even doing so in this moment was discomforting enough. He put on a coat—no surprise it was also black—and headed out the door.   
The roads were awful on the way, like an ice skating rink. If he crashed he’d be left bleeding alone on the side of the road—a riveting thought.   
He bought a nice bottle of Whiskey to bring to Gil’s, he figured he was getting sick of wine—though he probably wasn’t. Whatever. This was what people did when they went to other people for sex, it was normal and probably a nice gesture... or something.   
It was actually kind of expensive. No matter, Kirei didn’t spend much money on anything other than the church.  
“You’re that priest right?” The cashier didn’t bother to card him.   
“Hm?”  
“Over at that church by the college, yeah?”  
“Oh, yes.” Of course someone had to recognize him.   
“Takin’ a night off huh?” He laughed, “Ya know I tried goin’ to your church, but god damn... who wants to get up at the ass crack a dawn on a Sunday?”  
Kirei wasn’t sure what he was supposed to say in this situation. Did this guy realize he was talking to a priest? Was he stupid? He could smash the expensive whiskey and cut his throat with a broken bottle for his idiotic statement, for putting him through having to figure out what the hell he was supposed to say here. “Hah, well, the Lord rewards a diligent soul?”   
Ugh. Why did that come out as a question. The whole date thing had him off his game. Was he nervous or something? He didn’t feel nervous. He didn’t feel anything.   
“I guess.” The cashier rang him up and gave him his change. “Ya know, another thing buddy, your sermons were... well... lemme put this gently—they make a man feel like shit.”  
“That’s great. Have a nice night.” He grabbed the bottle and went back to his car, nearly slipped on some ice and died.   
Reality was really testing him and he wasn’t even at Gil’s apartment yet.   
Parking was a bit of a pain, as was finding his building. Gil lived about 45 minutes away from the school. He idly wondered what his reasoning for that was, but he didn’t actually care enough to ask.   
He sighed and knocked on Gil’s door—or what he hoped to be Gil’s door—he really did need a better cell phone. Gil was right, he was a disgusting filthy mongrel. If this really was Gil’s apartment building it was weirdly nice. Nothing a typical college student would usually live in.   
The door opened and he was relieved to know that he did indeed get the right room. Maybe he didn’t need a fancy phone after all.   
He tried his best not to seem as awkward as he felt. “Hey.”  
“I’m almost surprised, priest! I thought you’d chicken out!” He stepped away from the door and let Kirei in. The apartment was as nice as the facade made it seem: big windows, well decorated. Then again, he probably shouldn’t have expected anything less.   
“I’d hate to disappoint you.” He handed Gil the brown paper bag containing the Whiskey—it was the same kind his dad had bought him for his 21st birthday years ago. It’s taste was vile. “I got you this.”  
Gil laughed as he took off the brown paper bag and looked over the bottle “Aw Kirei, you shouldn’t have! Really. I hate whiskey.”   
“Honestly, I figured you did.”  
“Getting someone a present you know they’d hate? That’s very you.” He took the bottle into the kitchen and set it on a counter before getting two small glasses out of a cabinet “come! Let us partake in this terrible gift.”  
Kirei joined him in the kitchen as Gil was pouring them each a glass. “Take off your coat already, would you? God, you can be so awkward sometimes.”  
He wasn’t wrong about that. He removed his coat and placed it upon the back of a chair in the kitchen.   
Gil leaned against the counter, glass in hand, and handed the other to the priest, looking him over. “Hm. It’s weird seeing you without the collar and the cross and the whole... getup.”  
“Does it displease you? I know there are some that have a bit of a fetish for that type of thing.” He took a sip of his drink—ah yes, that brought back memories. It burned terribly the whole way down, like drinking gasoline.   
Gil laughed, “No, it’s interesting. Different. It’s like I’m seeing you without the mask.” He took a sip in turn, his face immediately twisted into a cringe—he even choked a bit. Yes, this particular whiskey was the perfect choice. “If you told me this was pure poison I would absolutely believe you right now.” He cleared his throat.  
“I think it’s rather good.” He held up his glass, “A toast?”  
Gil held up his in return, “Hm, yes, to Chulainn. For being stupid enough to believe my tale.”  
“Or perhaps to Shinji?”  
“To Kariya and his unwavering dedication.”  
“More like obsession.”  
Kirei chuckled as they clinked their glasses together and drank the rest of his whiskey at once—absolutely sickening. Between his preparation for the evening and dealing with a certain stalker he’d forgotten to eat, which was common, but the way the liquid burned an empty stomach was rather exquisite.  
Gil did the same in turn, which he was hoping he would do. He cringed again, holding his hand to his mouth in reaction, as if he were struggling to keep it down, “God. This stuff is... it’s like satan’s piss. I hate it.”  
“I had forgotten how much I enjoy it.”  
Gil poured each of them another glass, as if he were trying to prove something. “Follow. There’s no need to stand here uncomfortably.”  
There was a sizable white couch in Gil’s living room in front of an even more sizable flat screen, the TV was on to some random station—but the volume was off.   
“It’s impressive, I know.” He sat on the couch as Kirei followed suit.   
“It is impressive. How do you afford all this?”  
“Don’t pretend to care. I like you better when you’re honest with me.”  
“Maybe I’m honestly curious.”  
Gil scoffed, “Fine. I’m an elite and well paid hitman.”  
“Ah yes, I should have guessed that when you came to a priest with a corpse.”  
Gil took another reluctant sip and set his glass of whiskey on the black coffee table in front of them, “Yes, indeed, I go from town to town killing my targets and asking for help from the local clergy. Works every time.”  
Kirei was aware he was drinking at a fairly quick pace, but he almost wasn’t sure how to get the ball rolling—especially without violence.   
Moments of passion, if you could even call them that, with his late wife were never this complicated. Maybe he’d just... put his hand on Gil’s thigh? Yeah. Wait—“Are these pants made of—“  
“Snakeskin? Yes.”  
Gil really was the snake in his Eden. Could this get any more cliche?   
“It’s funny watching you flounder about like this.”  
“I know. I’m rather clueless about many things. I’m not very talented.”  
“I happen to offer lessons.”  
“I happen to have questions,” His second glass was done, and he set the empty glass next to Gil’s on the table with a thud. He could feel the alcohol swimming through his veins, clouding his thinking. He grabbed the younger man by the arm, pulling him closer—it probably wasn’t the most eloquent way of doing it, but it got the job done, got him closer. Much closer actually, Gil took the initiative and straddled his lap. How very alike him to be so extravagant.   
“Well, ask away.”  
Kirei became duly aware that this was probably the closest they’d ever been. Sure, they’d kissed, not to mention all the things that had happened in his office the other night, but like this he was nearly flush against him. It was tough to believe that this was actually happening, “How about we start with what happened to Shinji?”  
Gil looked annoyed for a moment, maybe he thought he’d forgotten, but no. He wanted to know badly, just as badly as he wanted to see where tonight would lead.   
He trailed his hands up the thin fabric of Kirei’s shirt, he became a bit aware that he didn’t know what to do with his own hands. “Hm, alright. Discussing murder would be your type of foreplay.”   
Gil’s hands continued up and stopped at his throat, “I put my hands here,” he applied steady pressure, it became hard to breathe—but not impossible. “And I pressed, much harder than this,” he increased the pressure, digging his nails in, “even harder than this,” Kirei resisted the urge to, well, resist. He simply let himself be choked, he could handle it. “—and I didn’t let go until he stopped fighting.” When the pressure was gone he felt the relief of air flooding into his lungs again, Gil kept his hands resting gently on his neck, as if threatening to cut off his breathing again.  
To have the hands that pulled the life out of another on his throat as well, it was a nice thought, but he knew better. “He didn’t die from strangulation.”  
Gil laughed darkly, “I didn’t say I was done.”  
“Go on.” He let his hands traveled up from beside him on the couch to the others thighs unconsciously.   
Gil leaned in closer, his voice was quieter than usual, had an edge to it that it didn’t usually carry. “I didn’t think he would, but after a moment, he got back up. He was mad. Made threats. Said I’d go to jail for a long time.”  
“...So you stabbed him?” When Kirei had looked at the corpse stuffed in the trunk that night he’d noticed that it was bloody before he’d even realized it was dead.  
“Right about here.” He bit his neck at the approximate spot of the attack, not rough enough to break skin, but hard enough to get the point across. “Does that answer your question?”  
He cleared his throat. It felt a bit hotter in the room than it had been. Maybe the heat had kicked in. “It does...” He thought about the young man he’d never met choking on steel and his own blood, it was arousing. “Why did you do it?”  
“Hm?” Gil didn’t answer, he just kissed the others neck, trailing up to his jaw. He seemed reluctant enough to tell the previous story, Kirei was probably pushing his luck by even asking. He gripped his thighs a bit harder, as if he could somehow squeeze the answer out of him.  
Instead he laughed above him, in just an instant he sounded like his usual self again. “You have no idea how to touch another man do you?”  
He was changing the subject, but that was fine. It almost didn’t matter why he’d done it, what mattered was that he had done it. “Hm? I think I’m doing fine.”  
“You’re playing it safe, you’re worse than some virgin at band camp.”  
“I don’t know what you expect from a priest.”  
“I don’t expect much, yet you still disappoint.” Gil took one of Kirei’s hands and moved it to his ass. “Here is good.” He took his other hand and moved it to his crotch, “—and here,” He moved it to his chest, “—and also here, does that make things easier, Father Kotomine?”  
He hadn’t even really touched his wife like this—or perhaps he had. He couldn’t really remember, it meant so little to him that the memories faded away like the dinner he had the previous night.  
“And here?” He pressed a finger against his students mouth, which he opened in response. He seemed almost annoyed about it, probably because he wouldn’t be able to speak. Good. Kirei could use a few moments of silence.   
It was almost out of pure curiosity that he was even doing this, sliding his finger against his teeth like some perverted dentist. He added a second finger—then a third—to the others mouth. Gil didn’t resist just hummed a bit in response, but he took note of the discomfort on his face. Kirei liked that, so he continued experimenting. Pressing his fingers back until he choked a bit, hands instinctively grabbing the older man’s wrist. That didn’t stop him—of course it wouldn’t—it only really fueled his fire as he continued further. He took that silver tongue of his between his fingers, and forced his mouth open what had to be uncomfortably wide.   
Kirei had always felt like a passive observer to a life he was supposedly living, and so he did what he did best, observed. The way Gil’s cheeks and ears had a tinge of red, his expression, eyes half lidded, the way that his saliva dripped down his chin—it was all such a nice show to behold.  
Gil finally pulled Kirei’s curious hand away from his mouth and muttered something about it being disgusting before pulling him into the first kiss they’d shared since the night he had read verses from the Bible and said God wasn’t real.   
It was gentler than that night, but they weren’t angry at one another this time, there was no reason for it to be, but it was still Gilgamesh. By default, kissing the narcissistic blonde meant you were signing up for a power struggle. Even at his most gentle he would bite and tease, as if he were trying to steal the breath from your lungs.  
Kirei did his best to keep up—what to do about his hands. He’d been criticized on it earlier, and didn’t want Gil to think his lesson had fallen on deaf ears.   
Of course, Kirei knew Gil was beautiful. He wasn’t blind. He had a hard time seeing things the way others did, but there really was no denying it with Gilgamesh. He was spun from pure gold. He moved his hands over him as if taking in his statuesque form. He didn’t deserve to defile such a fine treasure, but the treasure had presented itself to him all too willingly.  
“You’re going to break your stupid celibacy promise tonight, priest. You haven’t a say in it. You belong to me and I decide what happens to my belongings.”  
As if tonight would have any other outcome, though he wondered what would happen if he resisted. “Of course. As you wish.”  
Gil seemed pleased by that answer as he tossed his white shirt aside. “How long has it been?”  
He thought on it as he let his eyes wander over the others form, gold necklace and earrings glinting in the flickering light of the silent TV. “About 10 years.”  
Gil laughed, “That’s sad. Do you even touch yourself?”  
“No, that isn’t permitted.”  
“Wait seriously? No wonder you priests are all a bunch of lecherous freaks.”   
He chuckled a bit. He wasn’t wrong. Most priests were freaks of some kind. Clergymen were a dying breed and the source of their extinction was their own inability to follow their doctrine and be decent people—and he was just as guilty, if not more guilty, than his peers.   
Being this close to a student was wrong enough in its own right without even getting into the fact that he was breaking his vows with the church.   
Pushing a male student to his back on the couch, sliding between his legs, kissing him. He was awful, truly absolutely awful in every sense of the word. Yet somehow awful was just the tip of the iceberg.  
It had been so damn long. He was getting excited, beginning to forget about just how bad he was at kissing and beginning to realize just how good it felt to have Gil under him. He savored the power surge that came with knowing soon enough he would have him at his mercy.  
It was juvenile at best, alternating between biting at his lips and messily licking his teeth. Rutting against him like some degenerate with no sense of dignity, but maybe Gil was just as juvenile for pressing back, for seemingly wanting this just as bad if not worse by the sounds he was making.   
Yes, he was worse than his peers—at least they wouldn’t be spurred harder by a pained wince when he pressed a bit too hard on the hand that he knew to still be sore from the dislocation weeks prior—wouldn’t feel themselves growing hotter when a bite to a collar bone was met with a gasp.   
“Kirei…” he huffed out a breath. “Kirei stop...” Ah yes, the magic word, was he really doing something Gil didn’t like? Either way, it brought the opposite reaction from him, he didn’t stop, just bit his neck even more. It’d leave marks, purple and blue and evidence that he was owned.   
“Idiot! Stop!” Gil pushed him away, out of breath. “I don’t want—“  
There was that sentiment again. ‘Don’t,’ he tried to push himself closer, Gil laughed at that. Laughed at how much more eager he was when he resisted.   
“Save that energy, freak. I don’t want to do this on the couch.”  
Oh, so that’s why he was protesting. Fine. He stood, grabbed Gil and tossed him over his shoulder like he weighed nothing—he basically did to someone who was constantly training his body.   
“Ugh! Bastard! You would dare manhandle your God!?” He struggled a bit but gave up pretty quickly.   
“Where’s the bedroom?”  
“... End of the hall.”  
He carried Gil there, who grumbled the entire time about how unromantic and annoying it was to be carried like luggage.   
Kirei didn’t care. He wasn’t exactly going for romantic. He stopped at a door and opened it up  
“That’s the bathroom, you moron.”  
Oops. Other door.   
He opened the next door up and flipped on a light switch nearby. Dim lights flickered to life to reveal that Gil’s room was just as extravagant as the other rooms in the apartment. His undoubtedly oversized bed had lavish maroon sheets adorning it—the golden thread details on the comforter and abundance of pillows only furthered the look of a king’s private chambers. There was a TV mounted on the wall facing the bed; to someone who only bothered to have a single outdated radio in his room it was a foreign concept.   
He dumped Gil on his bed, which was actually made. Something most college students never bothered to do. Or maybe he’d just done it to impress his guest? That was a bit of an endearing concept.   
Gil sat up looking annoyed. “If you ever dare grab me like that again I swear I’ll—“ he sighed, looking Kirei over. Did he like what he saw?   
He fixed his hair a bit before grabbing the man standing before him by a belt loop and pulling him a bit closer. He undid the button and the zipper with adept precision.   
He apparently did from that reaction. “...Or you’ll what?”   
“Quiet down.” He pulled his black trousers down and touched him through his briefs. “You may not be allowed to touch yourself, but I can. I’ve been thinking about putting this filthy thing inside of me for a while now.”  
He couldn’t imagine why. His breath caught in his throat as the blonde mouthed at him through the thin black fabric. It was a rather lewd display.   
Maybe it didn’t matter why he wanted him—the nature of his attraction was as mysterious as his reason for killing Shinji. The “why” didn’t matter, all that mattered was his actions.   
He could accept that, and just like with Shinji’s dead body it was his turn. He stepped out of his pants and pushed Gil off of him, undoing his gaudy snakeskin pants and pulling them off.   
“Eager? I almost didn’t expect you to be.”  
“I want you.” He stated. No need to go any deeper, no need saying he considered him his property, a sentiment Gil had also expressed earlier. Seemed as though the feeling was mutual. No use in pondering the deeper meaning there.   
He stepped out of his briefs as well, Gil went commando this time as he did before, which made things easier. This part he at least knew how to do, he joined him on the bed, lingering above him. He lined himself up—  
His partner chuckled.  
“...What?”  
“I figured you wouldn’t be the type to take a moment for preparation on my behalf.”  
He felt a bit stupid for a moment, of course things weren’t the same with a man.   
Gil laughed again “I prepared before your arrival. Through I must advise a bit of lube.”  
Ah, yeah, he’d forgotten that too. He really was disconnected from… well… everything.  
He was feeling lost and clueless again. Gil picked up on his lack of confidence and pushed him aside, he landed on his back beside him against what had to be more pillows than could ever be considered necessary, or even comfortable for that matter.  
“God. You’re so useless.”  
He grabbed something off the nightstand and straddled Kirei’s hips as he applied a generous helping of lubrication to his hand before applying it to Kirei’s dick. His hands felt nice, slowly stroking him. He was already fairly hard from that alone… blame it on how long it’s been.  
“I expected you to be smaller here.”  
“Smaller? I suppose I’ll take that as a compliment?” No one had ever bothered to comment on the size of his dick before, Claudia certainly hadn’t. “Will I be too much for you?” he wondered out loud, he had no idea how these things worked, let alone what they felt like.  
“You wish,” he chuckled as he scooted up his thighs a bit and positioned Kirei’s dick at his entrance, applying steady but slow pressure as he lowered himself down.   
It was too slow, actually, especially for someone who’d been so deprived for so long. Instead of waiting for Gil to take his time Kirei instead gripped the other’s hips and pushed himself the rest of the way in, in one quick motion—the blonde made a sort of choked noise in turn, “Bastard...” he jested, but his voice came out strained, it must have been uncomfortable.   
Kirei loved that edge to his voice, though. It only made him greedy for more, only made him want to see how far he could bend him before he’d break. Without breaking the connection they shared, he flipped their position so that Gil was beneath him—he was in control again.  
Gil was hot and tight and Kirei swore if he had any less self control he’d rip him apart without hesitation.   
Restraint—but restraint was so difficult when the man below you was gritting his jaw as you pressed yourself deeper inside of him.   
He should want to make it easier to bear for him, with Claudia at least he’d take his time, but that was just so painfully boring. Making it more difficult was a much more compelling idea, especially in a whiskey and lust addled mind.   
The priest placed one hand under Gil’s knee in case he tried to get in the way and braced himself against the bed with the other. When he started moving his hips he let go of that restraint, thrusting as roughly as he desired.  
The blonde wasn’t afraid of the challenge it seemed, he cursed a few times and tightly gripped the sheets but he didn’t hide his reddening face. Whatever preparation he was talking about earlier didn’t seem to be enough, his expression was pained, jaw gritted, breath beyond ragged.  
“You would be like this wouldn’t you,” his voice still had that edge, it was like music. “Filthy animal.”  
His mind was shrouded in static, it was all so damn good. He wanted more, something, anything more, words to say or something more to do but his thoughts couldn’t keep up with his hips—he needed to fuck him harder, to make him break, to rip him apart to—   
to slow down actually.   
If he came that fast he’d never hear the end of it. Gil would probably tell everyone. Chulainn and Kiritsugu and Kariya and even Tokiomi would all know all about how he came too fast and didn’t properly please the Great Gilgamesh—part time student and full time diva.  
He let go of the leg he’d had in a vice like grip and slowed his pace, he hadn’t realized just how useful all that training he did was in the way of sex up until now. Go figure.   
Gil laughed below him, a sign he was probably starting to get more used to having something so big inside of him. “You look… so dazed. It’s disgusting.” he ran a hand through his hair with a pleased sigh. “That’s good… keep it up.”  
More snide comments, also a good sign. Or was it good? Why was it disappointing? Why couldn’t Kirei just be fucking normal and want his partner to be content and have a good time? I thought I was over these ruminations.   
He shook his head, actively trying to get those thoughts away. Now really wasn’t the time.   
Gil snapped his fingers a few times in front of his face, bringing him out of his existential bout of pain that was all too common of an experience. “You dare not pay attention to me while I’m letting you fuck me? Are you that ungrateful?”   
Kirei huffed as he went still. “No, no I just—”  
He chuckled again, cutting him off. A thoughtful smirk growing on his flushed face, “Wait... I see what’s going on here.”   
“You do?”   
“Mhmm.” he grabbed Kirei by the front of the shirt he neglected to take off and pulled until they were flush against one another. He laced his fingers into Kirei’s dark hair and spoke softly. “Allow me to make this better for you.”  
Better? It’s not like it had been all that bad to begin with. He was genuinely curious as to what Gilgamesh planned. He started moving his hips again, gently—missing the friction from before.  
“Harder.” his voice was commanding, but it didn’t need to be for Kirei to obey. He sped up, and the noise the man beneath him made in response was unlike his previous preformative moans, he cursed a few times under his breath.   
He paused and propped himself up to get a look at his face to figure out what exactly had changed, he could feel his confused expression.   
Below him Gil’s demeanor had totally changed, jaw clenched and eyebrows knit together. At his pause Gil’s pained expression quickly turned back to a devious grin. “Kirei, didn’t you hear me? I said I’d make it better for you.”  
Oh. He understood then. So this was a roleplay of sorts where Gil would pretend that he was in pain.  
He shouldn’t want to go along with it… and yet...  
“I’m teaching you about pleasure still, yes? Just trust me.”  
He should just trust him. This could be fun, he smiled at the man below him. “As you wish.”   
When he started moving again this time Gil squeezed his eyes shut and struggled to get away with a groan, it was interesting, Gil was a talented actor after all, Kirei was more than happy to give this game a try.   
He tried to push Kirei away, in turn he forced himself closer, he ended up restraining his arms, grabbing them and pinning them both down against the bed with a bruising force. Besides his legs—Gil was completely restrained, held down and unable to escape.  
He was playing the part well, his demeanor had shifted completely from how he was before—he tried to hide his face, bit his lip, and the sounds he made were more pathetic and pained.  
“Am I doing good?” his voice was more or less a whisper “Do you like it when I pretend to be hurt?”  
He didn’t respond, not verbally anyway. There really wasn’t any need to. It had to be obvious how much he was enjoying himself.  
“Disgusting bastard...”  
He responded by nearly pulling himself out of the other before slamming back in. Gil yelped as he struggled fruitlessly to get his wrists out of Kirei’s firm grip.  
He repeated the motion, harder this time, eliciting another yelp. “Do you like pretending to be hurt?” A genuine question. He couldn’t imagine putting on an act like this just for the sake of another’s sick pleasure.  
“I like your reaction to it.” He chuckled. “I like seeing you enjoy yourself for once.”  
Kirei could feel himself smiling, this felt good. It may have only been pretend, but it was what he wanted so badly to see, the static was coming back in the best way possible. He let go of one of Gil’s wrists and grabbed him by the chin, forcing his face away from the crook of his shoulder where he tried to hide it and forcing their mouths together crudely.   
Red eyes met brown with a look of disgust and agony. Gil looked like he actually might cry at this point, if Kirei weren’t so distracted he would be impressed by his dedication to his role.   
Sex with Claudia had never been this good, it had always taken him such a long time to finish, it was awkward. This was nothing like that, especially when Gil made that pathetic face that hardly suited his beautiful features.   
He began driving his hips into him, fucking him rough and fast. Gil gripped the front of Kirei’s shirt with the hand that had been freed and cursed, he should be ashamed of how it made him feel, should be disgusted, but he wasn’t.   
He was sick, and learning to accept it disturbingly fast.   
He leaned back a bit just to take in Gil’s mock agony—he wanted to commit as much to memory as he possibly could—his far away gaze, the way his eyebrows were knit together, the tears that threatened to escape his eyes, the way his body writhed beneath him. He let go of Gil’s chin and slid his hand down to his neck, applying a bit of pressure, Gil’s hand gripped his wrist, nails digging in hard.   
“Please…” His voice shook, strained with the pressure against his windpipe. “Please don’t kill me, Father.”  
It was too much, too perfect, even better than anything Kirei could have fantasized himself—he drove himself deep within the other one last time with a groan as he came thinking about that voice.  
It was quiet for a moment after that, only the sound of both of them trying to catch their breath and the bed creaking as Kirei pulled out and rolled off of Gilgamesh and onto his back beside him.  
Then the room was filled with Gilgamesh’s laughter. “That was all it took?! Really?!”   
Kirei sighed. I knew this would happen. “It had been ten years, Gilgamesh.”  
“That was so fast!” he was still laughing. “Oh that was rich. All I had to do was cry a little and call you Father? You’re incredibly pathetic. You never cease to amuse me.”  
At least he finds it amusing? He rolled his eyes and joined in with his laughter for a moment. “You know I’m disgusting, I don’t see why you’re surprised.”  
Gil turned on his side to face him head resting upon a hand propped up on a pillow. “Not surprised, simply entertained… for a moment there I thought you’d split me right in half. You don’t play around, do you?”  
“Hm, you say that as though I have any idea what I’m doing.”  
Gil smiled and got up from the bed, stretching for a moment as he stood. “You’ll learn.”  
Kirei propped himself up on his elbows. “Where are you going?”  
“To get more whiskey. You have about 15 minutes, priest.”  
“Until?”  
He cocked his head to the side as though it were obvious. “Round two. You have yet to please me properly.” he headed out but stopped at the bedroom door, turning to face him again. “You want a drink too, I presume?”  
Kirei didn’t expect to get much sleep tonight. “That would be nice.”


	14. 14

Dawn broke and the roads were slicker than fresh blood on a linoleum floor. Kirei would need to stay until noon at least for the sun to melt some of the ice and the plows to do their job.  
The priest was awake at 5am, as he always was, despite how late of a night he’d just had. He wasn’t even sure when they’d gone to sleep last night, it could have been mere hours ago—it probably was from the way his head still spun a bit from all the liquor they’d shared. The prior evening had been blended into memories of pain and pleasure that burned like whiskey. It was without a doubt the most amount of time and energy Kirei had ever devoted to sex. So many bits and pieces of the evening he wanted to keep to himself and commit to memory, but he couldn’t even recall how many times he’d came—let alone Gilgamesh.  
In the end it seemed as though even someone as clumsy and inexperienced as Kirei could please the insatiable blonde… for now at least.  
He got up quietly and left Gil alone in his room, passed out on his kingly bed. He retrieved his pants from the floor… his shirt had to be around here somewhere… the living room maybe? Kirei wasn’t sure what to do with himself in an unfamiliar apartment like this. He went back to the living room with its big couch and TV, it’d been left on all night, he found his shirt discarded on the couch and got dressed, it just felt too wrong being without clothes.   
He considered sitting down, but he didn’t want to watch tv, he never did; he didn’t even have one in his small apartment. Maybe he could rummage through Gil’s stuff. Then again, he wasn’t that overly interested in the fine details of his life. He wished he’d brought some work to do or some other menial task to complete.   
Going through Gil’s kitchen cabinets had a weirdly humanizing effect. He couldn’t imagine Gil buying something like Oreos—yet there they were on a shelf, the pack was more than half empty.   
“Hands off mongrel, those are mine and I do not intend to share.” Gil shuffled in the kitchen wearing nothing but a pair of shorts.  
It’s not like Kirei had wanted any, he stepped away from the package. “My apologies, I was only curious. I didn’t expect you to wake up so early.”  
“I noticed you weren’t around and didn’t want you looking through my things.” He turned on a black coffee machine—one of those fancy ones that required the special plastic cups, Kirei hated those.  
“I can’t leave quite yet, the roads are in a state.”  
“I don’t care. If I didn’t want you here at all I wouldn’t have invited you in the first place.” He sounded fatigued, there was no way he wasn’t after last night. “Are you hungry? I don’t think I’ve ever seen you eat. What does your diet even consist of?”  
Kirei sat down at Gil’s table, he chose the same chair he’d set his coat on the night prior. “Children, mostly, and I indulge in an infant or two from time to time.”  
Gil looked surprised as he retrieved two coffee cups from a cabinet, one red and one black. “Did you just... make a joke?”  
“Best that you think I’m only joking.”  
“And another one? Who are you.”  
That was a good question, the answer got muddier daily.   
In the end Gil had insisted he eat. He asked for coffee, black, and agreed upon some toast, nothing on it. It was weird, almost domestic from an outside perspective.   
Might as well keep up that appearance for now, Kirei didn’t exactly hate it. “What are your plans for Christmas?”  
Gil sat across from him, sipping his coffee and looking at something on his gold smartphone. Kirei took a moment to admire the bruises on his neck, I wonder how he’ll cover those up. “Why do you care?”  
“Small talk, I suppose.”  
He didn’t look up from his phone. “I’ll be here, most likely.”  
Kirei knew nothing about Gil’s family life, had no idea if he had many friends. Maybe someday he’d look into it more—but only to ensure they didn’t pose a threat to Gil being his property. “You could attend our Christmas mass. It’s the most attended day of the year for us.”  
He looked up and scoffed. “That sounds awful.”  
“It isn’t as bad as you’d think.” It was.  
“I’m not going.”  
“That’s fine.” It wasn’t.  
“I assume things slow down after Christmas. Or do you guys have a New Years party too?”  
“Yes, actually. It’s my favorite night of the year.” He thought about the upcoming dates—no harm in mentioning it. “Between Christmas and New Years, the 28th, that’s my birthday.”  
Gil laughed, and it lacked its usual energy. He probably needed more sleep—and to recover from last night. “You should have told me sooner! 40, yes?”  
“Indeed.”  
“That’s a big deal, you’re halfway to eternal rest.”   
“That means you’re 25% of the way.”  
“More than 50% if I’m not careful around you.” It sounded like a joke, but his tone was dry, “Hm. Perhaps for your birthday I’ll tie up someone up for you; you can finally have your way with him.”  
An exciting idea. “And who would you give to me?”  
“How about Chulainn? You like him.”  
“To a degree.”  
“You like me best, don’t you?”  
“Of course.”  
“I could tie myself up for you.”  
“You wouldn’t allow yourself to but put in such a vulnerable position.”  
He chuckled, “You’re right. Fine. Chulainn it is.”  
He idly wondered if he was being serious. He probably wasn’t, but the idea excited him regardless; it made his stomach churn. Chulainn was boring, especially compared to Gil, but having him presented before him helpless and afraid—he could enjoy that.   
“You’ve been smiling a lot recently.” Gil observed, outside a plow truck cleared the roads noisily, “It’s creepy.”  
He was about to respond when his phone started going off—yelling out its shrill default ringtone. Kirei didn’t get calls often, it was rare he even bothered to bring the thing with him. He fished it out of his jacket pocket and flipped it open as Gil observed passively from across the table.   
The caller ID said it was his father, he hadn’t heard from him in some time, so it was probably important. He sighed, he didn’t want to deal with whatever his father wanted. “...Just a moment.”  
Gil muttered something about men all being the same as he stood up and went to stand in the kitchen to take the call. “Father, hello—” his voice was cut off as he realized it wasn’t his father on the other line at all.  
The words the stranger spoke, they should have been shocking—and they were, to a degree, to a normal person they would be. Yet Kirei stood impartial. He responded to the questions he was asked. The line went dead as he gave a passive farewell—he’d said his name, said he was a friend of Risei’s, but Kirei had already forgotten it.   
The man who had raised him, had scolded him, had kept him on a straight and narrow path to godliness and success, was dead.  
“Hm, gone into a trance?” Gil was in the kitchen now, giving him a quizzical look, “Hey. Hello?”   
Kirei realized he still hadn’t even closed his phone or moved it away from his face. Maybe he was in shock? Was this what it felt like to grieve? He doubted it, all he really felt was that familiar dull ache that he hadn’t felt since after his wife had died—something like anger mixed with regret that he hadn’t been the one to draw their last breath.  
He finally set his phone down, “My apologies. It would seem that my father has died.”  
Gil paused in rinsing out his coffee cup in the sink, eyes searching Kirei’s face for any sign of sadness. “Like right now?”  
“Last night. He was found by a friend this morning.”  
“Well! Congratulations Kirei!” He laughed as he dried his hands on a kitchen towel, “Tell me, psychopath, how is it that you feel right now, hm?”  
“I suppose I feel…” he sighed, putting his face in his hands.  
“Oh dear god, don’t tell me you’re going to cry.” he sounded disgusted.  
Kirei chuckled at that and removed his hands, no, he was far from tears. “No, no. I feel… irritated.” he quietly laughed again, he couldn’t help it, it was just so… hard to explain. Behind him his hands tightly grasped the counter he leaned against.   
“Mad at your own father for dying by anything other than your own hand?” Gil joined in his laughter. “You should be glad. He died without ever knowing how truly awful his son is. Will you attend the funeral?”  
“Of course.” His father lived a little while away, he should be there now—helping to take care of his belongings, preparing a eulogy, things like that. A good son would drop everything and rush to be by his side and give his final goodbyes. But Kirei wasn’t a good son.   
Gil leaned a hip against the counter, arms crossed with that usual devious look he wore when he was coming up with a particularly nasty comment. “Do you truly wish to go?”  
As much as Kirei liked funerals and getting to watch a crowd sob and mourn, he would be expected to act a certain way. A way he had no idea how to act. “No. I don’t.”  
He shrugged, nonchalant. “Then don’t.”  
He considered that for a moment, but he really couldn’t—he’d spent his whole life under that man’s watchful eye, he was his only son, to not show up to his funeral would be—  
“A final gift to your dearly departed. You couldn’t kill him, but you can still shame him. Leave his guests wondering where the son he was so proud of is.”  
He had to laugh at that. “Hm… I like the way you think, Gilgamesh. My schedule is so busy these days, if I’m not careful I may just forget to attend at all.”  
Gil’s face lit up. “You never cease to entertain me.”


	15. 15

Kirei followed Gil’s advice and did not attend his father’s funeral. It felt good. He didn’t even bother to mention it to anyone he knew. He had reached a point in his life where he had had enough of feigning grief. That also felt good.   
The irritation he felt, though, did not cease. It tugged at his consciousness and played with his thoughts—his dark fantasies were frequent and vivid. One semester ago he would never have been able to imagine letting himself think and dream as freely as he had been allowing himself as of late. Last semester’s Kirei would be horrified by the current one. Another thing that felt good.   
A few times he actually got a bit close to acting on his impulses—the urge to kill after having lost his father was like a persistent itch he just couldn’t scratch.  
Alone with a patron in a closet as he tried to retrieve a box from a high up shelf, Kirei had actually intentionally let it fall on the young man—he wasn’t hurt, but it wasn’t a good sign. He was getting worse.  
At least he could focus on the upcoming holidays, preparations kept him busy and kept his mind at least mildly occupied. After those holidays were up he wondered how he would deal with his urges. If he was lucky maybe they would dissipate on their own, like a persistent head cold, he’d feel better once his fever finally broke.  
But it wasn’t breaking fast enough, at this rate it would develop into something more serious than a persistent head cold. Two days before Christmas mass Kirei found Kariya in the basement of his church, walking around and peeking in some of the rooms. He swore he could have strangled him right then and there.  
“Hey Kirei,” was all he’d said when he’d been asked what he was doing. “I’m looking for something.”  
“And what is that?”  
“Evidence.” He narrowed his eyes. “Evidence that you worked with Gilgamesh and Tokiomi to kill my nephew! It’s around here somewhere probably, I thought you’d know where to look.”  
This was beyond ridiculous. “How long has it been now? Months, yes? Perhaps it’s about time you find a hobby.” He was trying so hard not to let his agitation show and he knew that Kariya could tell by the tone of his voice.  
“I don’t need a hobby. You know I’m sick, everyone does. I’m dying anyway. I refuse to die before I figure out what happened to my own nephew.” He paced back and forth, and as he spoke it sounded more like he was talking to himself than to Kirei. “That car—the one that had been in the parking lot that night—it’s gone. No trace of it being sold or anything and I’ve looked everywhere for it. Where is it…” he looked back at Kirei again as if he’d forgotten about him. “Where is it?!”  
This was bad. Kirei shook his head and tried to look unbothered. “He doesn’t tell me everything, you know.”  
They made eye contact for a moment or two without saying anything. “I used to trust you, Kirei.” he sounded a bit sad.   
“You need to leave.”  
“If you’re wrapped up in this somehow I can help you—”  
“Kariya..” he approached him as though he were approaching a rabid animal.   
“You can tell me! You’re a priest! You’re a good guy—I know it! You just have to be honest with me and we can—” he winced as Kirei put a hand on his shoulder to try and quiet his rambling. His eyes focused and unfocused on Kirei’s face a few times. He knew he had to play this hand carefully, if he could just get him to stay here, he could take care of this. “Kariya… you’re wrong. About everything.”  
“No… I know what happened, I know.”  
“Kariya, it’s okay. Why don’t you stay here for tonight, we can call your father—” and maybe have him carted off to some sort of intensive care unit.  
Kariya suddenly took an unexpected step backwards, swatting his hand off of his shoulder and taking on a defensive stance. “Call my father?! That bastard won’t believe a thing I say! Just like you!”  
“You’ll be safe here—”  
“No!” Kirei noticed then that he had taken a knife out of his pocket, he pointed it at the priest. “No one will take me seriously! I’ll prove what happened to Shinji! I have to!”  
Kirei tried to get the knife from the man, but despite his frailty he somehow held strong to the blade—he bolted out the basement door of the church. It was broad daylight out—to chase him would be more suspicious than leaving him go—so he let him run. Let him escape.  
Kirei called Gil afterwards and relayed to him what had happened. The blonde sounded surprisingly unbothered as he told him not to worry about it and to just focus on the upcoming holidays. He decided to take that advice… to the best of his ability. There truly was nothing he could do at this point.   
He’d just have to focus on Christmas. Kariya wasn’t that much of a threat, he had the potential to be, but right now he was all talk. He had no evidence, but it was only a matter of time before he found some.  
Christmas Eve mass occurred in the evening, the church would be dimly lit, candles flickering at the end of each aisle, they’d been preparing for this for nearly a month, just as they did every year. Kirei hadn’t seen Gil in a while due to how busy he was preparing. Christmas and it’s Eve spurred catholic guilt in even the most absent of attendees, the night was cold and the place was bustling. Kirei greeted patrons politely, a handshake, occasionally a hug if someone was feeling rather adventurous. He couldn’t wait to take a shower tonight.   
By the time his sermon started the church had grown respectfully silent. He scanned the crowd as he spoke—his voice loud and stern. At around the halfway point, the door opened—for a moment he thought he was seeing things, but no, there he was choosing a seat near the back, dressed as gaudy as ever—not many people besides Gil would consider their Sunday best to be a cheetah print jacket.   
He didn’t allow himself to be tripped up by the distraction, he simply continued on, but it was fascinating how he felt his entire aura shift knowing that his favorite plaything was in the room.   
The sermon wrapped up with a resounding “amen” and people began taking their leave. More hand shaking, compliments, congratulations on another job well done. He got through it, though he felt a bit distracted. Once most of the guests had gone he slipped away to his office, of course Gil was there, waiting for him. He handed him a glass of wine.   
“That sermon was just as bad as I expected it to be.”  
He sipped the dry wine, “I didn’t expect to see you tonight.”  
“Well, be glad you did.” he finished his own glass in a single swig. “Finish that immediately. I have something to show you.”  
He finished his glass off quickly as instructed, his curiosity was piqued.   
“Good. Now come.” he spoke to him as though he were commanding a dog, and somehow tonight his voice carried even more confidence than usual. He followed Gil out of the office and down into the church basement, if anyone noticed the two of them they didn’t pay much mind, for the most part everyone just seemed to want to get home. The children were cranky and tired, and parents were crankier and even more exhausted.   
The church basement consisted of a few different rooms that were used for activities or meetings. The door that Gil stopped in front of was the one that they always kept locked. Inside the medium sized dusty room was old unused furniture, filing cabinets and boxes full of decorations and candles and the like. No one was supposed to have access to this room, and it was rarely even thought about—being led over to it was the only thing that made Kirei remember it’s existence. He should clean it out at some point and repurpose it… even the idea made him tired. Eventually.  
“I may have borrowed the key to this door from your secretary.”  
“So you stole it?” he tried to stop himself from thinking about what he could do with the room once it was repurposed and tried to focus on the fact that Gil wanted to show him something.  
“For good reason.” He unlocked the door and swung it open, a flip of a light switch flooded the room with dull and flickering overhead fluorescents. He’d need to get those replaced… maybe this room was best left an oversized closet—  
What sat in the middle of the unfinished basement floor made him lose his train of thought immediately and nearly made his heart stop. He took a step forward to get a better look at the mass before him. Behind him, Gil closed and locked the door.  
It was a man, laying on his side, blindfolded, duct tape over his mouth, tied up, but very much alive and struggling at his binds. It was hard to tell who it was for a moment.  
Kirei spun around to look at Gil, eyes wide. “You… how…?”  
“It wasn’t easy. If he weren’t so uncooperative I probably could have made it to your garbage sermon on time.” As he spoke he nudged Kariya’s face with his shoe. He looked beyond pleased with himself. “Now then, where is my praise? Happy early birthday, Kirei. Or should I say Merry Christmas?”  
He had seriously underestimated Gil when he’d said he would tie someone up for his birthday.  
He swallowed hard, but he couldn’t let himself be too distracted. “How did you even get him in here?”  
“Basement door.”  
“How did you even get him?”  
“I got him to meet me at some warehouse and I tazed him. Don’t worry. We’re the only two who know he’s here. There’s no trail to follow. He’s completely at our mercy.”  
Kariya tugged fruitlessly at his bindings, Kirei found himself captivated, his mouth was dry, heart beating faster. Was one night of fun really worth the ramifications of another body? It’s not like they had a choice at this point. There was no doubt he knew who his captors were, so there was no way he could be trusted to walk away from this a second time.  
“Kirei,” Gil was smiling as he moved to rest his foot against Kariya’s head, “You want to play with my present, don’t you? Come on… no one will know. Give in already. I’ve gone to all this trouble...” his tone was low and flirtatious, “He’s taken it too far, we need him to be out of our way for good. No more poking around. He’ll get what he deserves for bothering us.”  
Gil leaned down and retrieved a black bag from the floor before tossing it at the priest. He caught it, but it was surprisingly heavy. “Open it.”  
Speechless, he set it down on a dirty old desk by the door and opened it up, he could have already guessed what was inside—knives and other such tools like the aforementioned taser. There was even a gun. Gil really had thought of everything… where did he even obtain all of this? He took a large hunting knife out of the bag and unsheathed it, he caught a glimpse of himself in the reflection, his pupils were blown wide. A carrnal, animalistic arousal seemed to rush through his veins.  
He turned to face the pair, as Kirei had been lost in his contemplation Gil had positioned Kariya on his knees. He kneeled behind him, hands at his neck forcing him to look in Kirei’s direction; his gaze unseeing behind the blindfold. “Do you want to do the honors, Father?”   
That was a nickname that seldom was used by his student. He was really laying it on thick tonight, but it was absolutely working.   
He knelt before the pair and set the knife aside for a moment, gently he removed the blindfold—his victims eyes adjusted to the sudden harsh light, he took in his surroundings, sweat dripping down his brow and eyes alight with fear. Behind him Gil was smiling devilishly as he struggled in his grip.   
“Good afternoon, Kariya Matou.”  
There was no response, obviously. His mouth was still taped shut, but it was still fun to taunt him like this. With his other victims, Kirei had never had much of a chance to do much more than enjoy the rush of a sneak attack and the euphoria of the final blow. This was entirely different, and much more exciting.  
With the knife in hand again Kirei stood, he put the blade under the man’s chin, forcing him to look up at him. From his position on his knees the power imbalance was tremendous, it was as though Kariya was a mere worm compared to the pair that stood as gods before him.  
“Such a shame to lose yet another of the Matou’s finest, isn’t it, Gilgamesh?”  
“This insect? He’s hardly worthy of your words of praise.”  
“Even so,” he smiled as the knife dug into Kariya’s chin, a bit of blood already trickling. “We should send him off properly, we are in a church after all.”  
Gil raised his eyebrows, “Do go on… this is my gift to you after all, I’m open to your ideas.”  
“The last rites usually begin with confession. Kariya, my old friend, I’m sure you have a few sins you’d like to air out before your departure.” he let the knife drop from his chin. “Will you play along?”  
He didn’t break eye contact despite the fear in his eyes. Pathetic. Behind the tape he mumbled out something that was muffled and incoherent.  
“Hm? What was that?” He teased. Kariya scowled even despite his obvious terror. He leaned down and carefully removed the tape from his mouth, he didn’t hesitate in making use of his new freedom, calling out for help as loudly as his feeble lungs would allow.  
His display was as amusing as it was annoying. Unluckily for their victim, there was no way anyone would be sticking around in such a gloomy church on Christmas Eve, so no one would hear him pleading for mercy. “Now now, don’t be that way.” He spoke loud and firm over the racket. “We’re doing this kindness to save your soul, after all.” at that he grabbed the man before him by the hair and slammed his face against his knee. He fell silent as he hit the floor before groaning, low and deep. Gil looked amused as he forced him back up to his knees.   
“Let’s try this again, shall we?” his heart was racing, he was absolutely drunk off the power he had over this man he’d known for years. “No one will hear you yelling like that, you’re making a fool out of yourself for nothing.” He took a fistfull of white hair again and pulled his head back, threatening another blow to the face.  
Kariya winced in anticipation but didn’t yell out, seems he was a fast learner. “Tokiomi is making you do this isn’t he?! I was right!”   
Ugh, he was still on this, it was almost pitiable…. Almost. He laughed at the thought. Tokiomi likely hadn’t thought about Kariya Matou in years, the fact that he thought that he mattered at all in any context was hilarious.  
“What’s so funny? Just admit I’m right!”  
“Kariya…” he covered his mouth with his hand to stifle his laughter.   
“Give it a rest already.” Gil kept his eyes trained on the priest, undoubtedly observing the effects his present had on his mood.  
“I can’t… not when my family is on the line.” his voice shook with emotion.  
Kirei knelt down so he was on Kariya’s level again and gently pet his hair, he flinched at the contact. “Kariya, Kariya, Kariya... you have no idea how wrong you are.”  
“But—!”  
He shushed the frazzled man before him, voice calm and low. “Tokiomi doesn’t care about you, he has nothing to do with this. There’s no overarching conspiracy, no revenge plot.”  
He looked like he couldn’t comprehend what was being told. “But… If not… then… why?”  
Kirei smiled, silent, as he stood again, Gilgamesh was laughing from his place behind their victim.  
“Why?!” he repeated desperately.  
“Because it’s fun!” Gil spoke up, voice alight with laughter.  
Horror seemed to finally fully dawn on his face in that moment. Kariya’s hands were bound behind him, stopping him from retaliating in any way, his eyes glazed over for a moment before he squeezed them shut, yelling again.   
Gil chuckled from behind him. “Oops. I think I broke one of his fingers… forgive me, Father.”  
Kirei watched passively above them. “Hm? No need to apologize, my dear, do it again.”  
Another yell from Kariya, his eyes were tearing up now. His words were jumbled, repeating something like ‘I knew it’ again and again.  
Kirei could hardly contain the amount of joy he felt, he felt so alive and in the moment, it was as though his senses were sharper. “Do one more.”  
Gil obeyed with one of his exuberant laughs, more agonized sounds from Kariya, alright, that was enough of this gag, time to move on to something more fun.   
“Now then, where were we? Ah, yes, confession. Surely a diseased dog such as yourself has something to confess to.”  
He said nothing, unsurprising. He was panicking rather badly at this point, breathing rapidly and eyes glazed over. Kirei knelt before him again, offering him a smile. Kariya spat at him angrily, it landed all over his face—he really had some nerve. He wiped his face with his sleeve before landing a punch to his gut and forcing his head against the cold concrete of the basement floor. Gil watched with a smirk and crossed arms, they made eye contact briefly and Kirei had to stop himself from taking him right then and there. Kariya groaned and coughed a few times, ripping his attention away from the blonde.  
“Come on now. Confess.” he slammed his head against the concrete once.  
Twice.  
Three times.  
Four, five, six, he was getting carried away now but he couldn’t stop himself, it just felt so freeing to throw all restraint to the wind and cause pain, agony, a slow and merciless death—it’d been so long since he’d been able to have such a powerful experience. Kariya’s nose was definitely fractured, blood poured out of it and pooled onto the floor below him. Seven. He lifted his head again for the eighth hit when he said something muffled—  
“Hmmm? Speak up!” Gil commanded as he stood above to watch. “Speak!” a kick aimed at nowhere in particular.   
“I said—” he sucked in a breath “...Aoi! Tohsaka Aoi! I…” Gil kicked him again, causing him to sputter and cough. “I’m the one who—” he was sobbing now, “I strangled her! It was me! That’s my confession! Fuck!”   
They’d finally forced him to play along, it felt fantastic. His ability to hold out was commendable, anyone else would have given up by the time fingers started being broken. Kariya and his impeccable pain endurance were perfect for this sort of game.  
The priest smiled. Kariya looked pale—well, paler than usual, laying on his side and panting, he had been absolutely beaten to a state. It was probably about time to switch things up a bit.  
He laughed, more genuinely than he had in a long time. At his confession, at his pain. He couldn’t believe it really had been him who had strangled Aoi, he did seem to recall them having some sort of friendship at one point, he wondered how it had even come to that point. Gil joined in his laughter as Kariya whimpered on the ground, boisterous and just as adrenaline high. Kirei took the knife in hand and raised to his feet, standing beside his accomplice, he handed Gil the knife—as he received it he raised his eyebrows.   
“Play with him a bit.”  
“You’re sure? This is your present after all.”  
He nodded.   
“Wait.” The blonde’s leaned forward to bite Kirei’s bottom lip—hard but not too hard, a quick action to dispel some of the tension. He took the opportunity to slip an arm around him to pull him closer to kiss him back for a moment or two—it felt like a good way to even further insult and discomfort of the man before him—he didn’t pay much mind to it though, which was a bit infuriating.   
Kirei smiled and pushed Gil towards him a bit. “Go on, now.”  
Gil retrieved the knife and pushed Kariya on his back against the cold floor again, his breathing was rapid, it was almost surprising that he managed to stay conscious.   
Straddling his hips, he took the knife and dragged it down his bruised cheek. “You’ve done quite the number on him already...”  
Kariya was still reeling from his confession it seemed, he choked on his terror, “Please, just kill me…”  
Gil laughed as he pressed the blade harder, drawing blood.  
Kariya wasn’t going out without a fight though, even in his current state. It undoubtedly took a bit of strength, hopefully his last, but he sat up as quickly as he could and in a rather inelegant display—headbutted Gil directly in the face. He was knocked back a bit—taken off guard no doubt for a moment, it would definitely leave a bruise—but all it did was make him angry, livid even.  
“Insolent piece of shit!”   
Kirei had never really seen Gil’s temper flair to such an extent. He gripped the knife and plunged it into the man’s chest, immediately ripping it out and plunging it in again and again.  
Visually, it wasn’t as barbaric a frenzy as it could have been. When Gilgamesh acted everything he did was beautiful, golden and elegant—even violent murder was made into a beautiful masterpiece where his movements were the strokes that textured the painting. It was like a rapturous mural depicting the suffering of souls in hell, and Gilgamesh was the red eyed devil, punishing the repugnant sinner before him. Perhaps love felt like this? Smelled like the blood that flew from punctured arteries and sounded like dying chokes and gasps.  
Gil found his way out of his haze after Kirei approached and put his hand on his shoulder to calm him. For a moment it seemed like he would retaliate against the priest as well, but he took a deep breath instead. His face, hair and clothes seemed to play homage to a Pollock piece that Kirei felt he could actually appreciate for once.  
He looked down at the mess he had made. Kariya was an afterthought now, nothing more than an oozing mess. “I liked this jacket…” a pause to catch his breath. “Tch… dead already? You didn’t even get to enjoy your present.”  
“It’s alright.” he tried to hide the disappointment in his voice. “I at least had the chance to—”  
As if speaking up to ease Kirei’s disappointment, at that moment Kariya let out a choked gasp—he was still alive, somehow. Truly it was a Christmas miracle. His ability to endure pain was incredible after all, likely from the years of agony he’d endured from his diseased condition.  
Kirei instantly grabbed the blade from Gil—still dripping rubies. He recited the Lord’s Prayer faster than he ever had in the entirety of his career, dedicated to the act, before sheathing it in the throat of his former colleague. It fit him nicely, no need to pull it out—and just like that the itch was scratched, absolute euphoria. He let out a breath of relaxation. It was done.   
Kariya Matou was dead.   
He should be grateful, really, to be taken by a pair of gods instead of by the unpredictable course of his disease.  
Usually after the final deed came the disgust, the misery, the disappointment that he hadn’t done this or that before it had ended. With his accomplice here it changed things completely, his attention instead shifted completely to him. Gilgamesh looked even more beautiful than he could have ever conjured in fantasy—covered in blood, not yet dried and shining in the light, pupils blown wide. Red and gold truly were his essence. He was saying something, with that perfect mouth that manipulated and chided and annoyed—every word he said was lost on the priest.  
Kirei wasn’t even sure who he was at that moment, there was no mask right now, he acted totally on impulse, grabbing his student by the gaudy jacket and pushing him off of Kariya’s body and on the floor. The buttons had other ideas, though, the string that held them strained and popped off instead—that works too. Hands slid beneath the fabric, rough and quick, trying to get the damn thing off already. Gil cooperated, allowing the jacket to be slipped off his shoulders.  
“Like my gift that much, hm?”  
He didn’t care for the banter right now, his mind was racing just as fast as his heart. Kirei wanted a million things at once, for a man who usually had no desire it was beyond overwhelming. He settled for grabbing Gil by the hair and forcing their mouths together. For once didn’t feel as though he were being taught or guided—it was all Kirei. It was sloppy and wet and teeth hit teeth, there was nothing dignified about it. Gil reciprocated with equal tenacity, he seemed just as eager, hands scrambling to undress the other without letting their mouths part. The taste of Kariya’s blood on his lips was enough to drive him mad.   
They were both a frenzy of hands and friction, one moment he was over Gil and the next he was on his back, the growing pool of blood seeping into his hair.  
“What did you get me for Christmas anyway, Kirei?” Gil asked nonchalantly as he straddled his hips, Kirei propped himself up on his elbows wordlessly, more than a bit dazed and in no condition to answer any questions.   
“Nothing? After I went to all this trouble?”  
“It didn’t exactly cross my mind.”  
Gil ran a shaky hand through his hair as he absentmindedly grinded against the man below him. “It’s not too late, you can still give me something I want.”  
“And that is?” He hardly cared about anything that Gil was saying right now, he gripped his shirt and drew him closer as he took something out of his pocket, lube most likely.  
More violent kissing, his lips would probably be sore later. They often were once Gil was done with him.  
“—Let me fuck you.” was what was said the moment their mouths parted.   
He paused, a bit taken aback, the thought had never even crossed his mind. Kirei had never thought about sex with another man before himsef and Gilgamesh began doing whatever it was they were doing, and even then it had never crossed his mind to be the one on the recieving end.   
“Don’t make that face.” He pulled at Kirei’s hair a bit. “You might like it.”  
“I’m not—”  
“Kirei.” his tone was stern and humorless. “Let me fuck you.”  
What a moment ruiner. They’d both had so much energy and now? Indecision and apprehension.   
Gil seemed to read the mood a bit. “We don’t have to have sex you know.”   
So that’s how he was going to play. Either Kirei let go of his complex or nothing was going to happen. To give in to something like this in the eyes of a seasoned Catholic was… demeaning and humiliating, to say the least. He should say no, should argue, shouldn’t let his arousal get the better of him.  
Because he really wasn’t interested in doing something so perverse. Really. They should just forego sex tonight. It wasn’t necessary.  
But instead that was how he ended up being fingered on the cold hard floor of a room that he had nearly forgotten the existence of—oh, not to mention the body.  
Having something inside of him felt… different. Not exactly bad but not exactly good either. Gilgamesh seemed to be enjoying himself at least, smug about his victory. He had insisted on taking time to properly prepare him so that his “first time” was good.  
He stared at the ceiling, a bit annoyed and a bit hard.  
“You’re pathetic.” Gil chuckled. “Trying so hard to pretend that you hate this.”  
“I don’t loathe it, but I can’t exactly say I’m enjoying myself.” He huffed, absolutely aware of just how obtuse he was being.  
“Fine, fine. I can stop if you want.”  
He huffed again, feeling uncomfortably vulnerable with no pants and his legs spread for someone he was supposed to be fucking.  
He still scowled despite himself when Gil removed his fingers, he got an amused glance in response.   
“Seeing as you’re in such a hurry to get this over with.” Before he could even complain about the lack of stimulation Gil was over him again and the fingers were replaced by something else.   
It was… different, again… it hurt a bit—not terribly, but he still couldn’t hold back a quiet gasp. Gil stayed still, kindly allowing him to adjust. It was more kindness than he’d showed the blonde himself the last time they’d had sex—maybe he was trying to prove some kind of point.   
He still preferred the ceiling to making eye contact with the person who was inside of him currently. “You need to relax.”   
He broke his intense eye contact with the grooves and textures on the wood above him to shoot him a dirty look, seriously? Relaxation was a lot easier said than done right now. He tried to get more comfortable on the stony cement floor, shifting a bit and trying to force himself into relaxation—there was no way his back wouldn’t be killing him tomorrow. I’m definitely too old for this.   
“Kirei…” And there was Gil’s familiar smug gaze was still painted with drying blood. He leaned down and kissed him, much more gently than he ever had in the course of their… well… acquaintance?  
The kiss could almost be considered romantic—and that really pissed him off, it made him feel so repugnant, so irredeemably rotten. He considered tossing him off of himself, just for that alone, but his thoughts were cut off when a pair of hands wrapped around his neck, the pressure he applied was only just about enough to make breathing difficult.   
And then he started moving, rough and fast, his previous gentility tossed away like garbage. He couldn’t gasp this time—the grip on his throat tightening. It was dizzying, having so much happen so suddenly at once.   
Above him Gil’s eyes were dark, his voice a growl. Beautiful. “I hate you so much.”   
It was uncomfortable, painful, his vision was darkening, particles of light creeping about his peripheral. Maybe Gil would actually kill him, actually strangle him to death on the floor. He had admitted to trying to kill Shinji in the same fashion, this fit his MO.  
Even if he were going to kill him, Kirei didn’t fight back, just raked his nails against the floor pointlessly. He was hard now, painfully so. Every bruising touch and erratic movement was like a musical note, together they were creating a symphony—a diseased melody that only the most depraved would enjoy.   
Just as he thought he would lose grip on his consciousness the pressure was released. Relief flooded into his lungs in desperate choked breaths. His hands immediately gripped his own throat in desperation and protection—it was unintentional, of course, he had no desire to defend himself, it was instinctual, a survival mechanism ingrained in the human psyche.  
Above him Gil seemed to have no intention of relenting, the friction inside of him was mind numbing. It was fascinating to watch someone as devoid of humanity as himself react in such a human way, self preservation and pleasure, he groaned as the reality of it all dawned on him.  
He wasn’t even sure when it was that he began touching himself, or when Gilgamesh finally finished inside of him—but his own climax was obscene and unrestrained, he thought freely about all of the things that he usually rejected—from the thrill of mutilation to the unseeing gaze of the recently disposed.  
It was phenomenal.   
And then it was done.  
And it was quiet.  
All three of them lay next to one another, two of them irredeemable sinners, and the final a pile of mutilated waste.  
…  
There was a lot that needed cleaning up.


	16. 16

Winter break was boring. At least during the semester there were things to do, classes to take, people to bother. When school wasn’t in session, what the hell was he supposed to do with himself besides get into trouble? Then again, the fact trouble was all he had to do made even that idea boring.   
The crisp January breeze stirred fallen leaves and discarded trash about the empty street, he bundled up a bit more in his jacket and stuffed his hands deeper in its pockets as if that would help. Designer my ass, you’d think they’d make these things a bit warmer. The only real option was to walk a bit faster and maybe not freeze to death on the way.  
Inside of his pocket next to his hand, his phone was blowing up- vibrating almost incessantly. Should have turned it on silent. He should just ignore it, really, he had been for a while now. He stopped in his tracks, huffing and rolling his eyes. Maybe if I just answer they’ll leave me alone for a while. He took his phone out of his pocket and assessed the damage.   
Tons of missed messages and texts he’d been ignoring for weeks now, the most recent activity weren’t texts but phone calls—some voicemails even. Not that he’d ever listen to them. Seems as though the most recent barrage of calls were from Siduri.   
He stared at the call button for a moment or two, considering his options, until another gust of cold wind forced his hand. The sooner this was done the sooner he could find some entertainment.  
She answered the call on the first ring. “Gilgamesh?!” She sounded worried, annoying.  
“Who else would it be.” He leaned against a street light and tried to ignore the stinging cold.  
“Everyone is worried about you! Why haven’t you been answering anyone?”  
He chuckled, everyone was worried, huh? It was comical that they thought he actually cared at all about any of the people that called him “friend.” As if he’d ever call them the same.  
“This isn’t funny Gil, people have been trying to get in contact with you for weeks now! Are you okay?”  
“That’s weird… last time I checked I didn’t need to alert the media of my status every single day.”  
“No one’s saying that… people care about you… it wouldn’t kill you to check in.”  
He laughed again, louder this time. “Like I don’t know that?”  
“You act like you don’t know it.” he could hear the anger in her tone, it made him smile.  
“Of course I act that way, they care about me but that doesn’t mean I care about them. Now then, inform everyone of my safety and tell them to cease inundating me with messages at once.” Taking the phone away from his face, he could tell she was even more enraged by his commands, he didn’t care though, just hit the glowing red icon to end the call and stuffed his phone back in his pocket before resuming his walk.   
“You should have taken a cab.” the voice caught up with his pace and walked beside him.  
“I like the cold.”   
“Liar! Where are we going anyway? To see your worried friends?”  
“No. Just headed to this new bar.”  
The pair walked in silence for a moment or two before that kind voice spoke up again. “So why are you pushing everyone away?”  
He didn’t turn his head. It was pointless. “I’ve grown tired of those that call me a ‘friend,’ I’m taking a break.”  
“What about me?” He didn’t need to see them to know that they were smiling.  
“I’d never grow tired of your presence.”  
They laughed as Gilgamesh arrived at his intended destination. Even from the outside this place seemed shady. The facade was cracked and old and the neon sign flickered as if it were struggling to stay lit.  
“I thought you said this place was new?”  
He shrugged. “New to me.”  
“You should go see your friends instead.”  
“Stop.”  
“They miss you.”  
“Stop.”  
“You’re being self destructive.”  
No need to respond. This was all fake anyway. He entered the bar leaving Enkidu’s ghost out in the cold.  
It wasn’t the type of haunting an exorcism could fix, of course—it was all in his mind, and he knew it. He wasn’t delusional or stupid or messed up in the head. He just desperately missed his best friend. Nothing had been the same since they died. Ever since that day they came to him sometimes to talk, they had always been a voice of reason throughout his life. In death they still were in a sense—taking on the role of Gilgamesh’s neglected conscience.   
He took a seat at the smoky bar and ordered something strong, flashing his ID at the bartender before scanning the crowd for anyone that looked like trouble. Okay, maybe he was messed up in the head.   
The place wasn’t as bad inside as the outside had made it seem, a bit of a disappointment but not a night ruiner. It was a bit trendier than expected, blue and purple lights bounced against the glass countertop of the bar and bottles of liquor on the wall behind it.  
His colorful drink arrived and he took a sip before going back to scanning the crowd, he made eye contact with some business type, still in his ill fitting suit after work. He was plain looking, brown hair, brown eyes. Maybe he’d do.  
He approached him with a nervous smile and a polite ahem. “Looking for someone?”  
He offered an insincere smirk in return, “Buy me another drink and you might be lucky enough to be him.”  
He took a seat next to him and flagged down the bartender. Men were so easy to manipulate, add a bit of alcohol and they’d do whatever you wanted if you gave them the right half lidded gaze every once in a while.  
They chatted a bit. The guy seemed nervous, inexperienced, boring—he would have cut him loose until the red flags started coming into view.  
First of all, he wasn’t drinking, he didn’t even seem to be buzzed. Second red flag, he kept asking for him to come back to his hotel room, said he’d just bought a nice bottle of wine that they could share—no strings attached. Now he was interested.   
Gil swallowed down the rest of his drink and stood up from the stool, cutting the man off mid unheard and ignored story. “You’ve convinced me.”  
The man followed along through the crowd. This guy was obviously some kind of degenerate, and he had no intention of actually fucking him—if he wanted to fuck a psychopath he’d just visit Kirei. You know, the one person he was trying not to think about. Except of course he was thinking about him. This is usually what happened anyway.  
His ears rung from the sudden quiet as they exited the bar together.  
“You going to call a cab?”  
“Oh, oh no it’s just a few blocks… it’s not far.”  
He rolled his eyes, not that the guy would notice, he wasn’t even facing him. “Just going to stand there or are you going to lead the way?”  
He mumbled an apology before heading off down the street, Gil followed beside him. This guy obviously wasn’t well versed in crime, maybe this was his first time, even? What a rich idea. It was only a year ago that Kirei and himself had been disposing of that damn nosy officer. That had been a good night, a monumental one. Corrupting Kirei had been a fun little project, he was totally different now—Gil had originally thought that he’d get sick of him after the initial interest in the results of his experiment, but somehow he only became more interesting with time. It was irritating. He was drunk and irritated and he didn’t want to see that damn priest tonight.  
Gil paused in his stride next to a dark alleyway, hands in his pockets.   
“Everything okay?”  
“Just wondering when you were going to toss me down one of these alleys and do whatever it is you’re planning.”  
He looked dumbfounded being called out, slack jawed and wide eyed, Gil laughed. “What? Am I wrong? If it makes you mad you should—”  
Gil was cut off and mildly annoyed when the man just turned and started sprinting in the opposite direction. Well, that’s one way to deal with it.  
He wasn’t sure what he had actually been expecting. At least Kirei would have stayed and listened. At least Kirei would have gone through with his plans.   
And that was how he ended up in a cab headed towards that damn church, tipsy as all hell and beyond pissed.  
Enkidu sat beside him, looking out the window as the streetlights whisked by.  
“You’ve bit off more than you can chew with that priest, huh? That’s why you’re so upset, right?”  
He didn’t respond.  
“He’s never going to let you escape him, but you’re not even sure if you want to, right?”  
He still didn’t respond.  
“You’re his pet.”  
Pet?! He paid the cab driver more than he actually owed and got out without a thank you before marching up to those big church doors. The stained glass windows shone dimly from the inside, they usually did, Kirei never fucking left that place. Even at night, Gilgamesh knew he’d sometimes just fall asleep at his desk instead of bothering to walk 10 feet to his room in the building next door.  
He didn’t really want to be here, or at least that’s what he was telling himself as he stepped through those double doors—unlocked, as always, and there he was, his master.  
He didn’t even turn his head as Gil entered the church, he only paused, a stack of bibles in one arm as he put them where they belonged in each pew. “I wasn’t expecting you tonight.”  
His voice was always unreadable, though Gil doubted he did it on purpose. He wanted to punch him right in the face. He didn’t though, just sat in one of the back pews so that he wouldn’t be caught swaying drunkenly—although that was only a temporary solution, he’d likely notice soon. “Did you not want to see me?”  
Kirei had that smug smile on his face that he usually wore these days. When they’d met his gaze was usually stony and unfeeling. Things had really changed since last year. “You know your presence is always welcome.”  
Gil loved the progress, Kirei was a fascinating master, although he loathed to be his pet. Gilgamesh knew he couldn’t escape Kirei, he was working on coming to terms with that. If he couldn’t escape him he just needed to make the best of it and get as much out of the arrangement as possible.  
For the past year he’d been something like a finicky outside cat. He was allowed out, allowed to do what he pleased out in the world, but ultimately he was owned—and he’d always come right back to the one who owned him.  
If Gil was an outside cat, strangers just didn’t know how to pet him right. Didn’t feed him nice enough food, didn’t know how to play with him. His master knew him, and he knew his master. So he’d just kept coming back, again and again and again and again.  
After the rat had been killed he’d thought they wouldn’t be whatever the hell it was they were anymore, that they wouldn’t have any reason to pretend to be having meetings just to fool Kariya and Kiritsugu—yet here they were a year later, and if things continued unchanged—which they would—they’d be here a year after this as well.  
Kirei put away more bibles, his leering gaze finally resting upon him when he’d reached the pew he sat upon, arms resting on the backrest.  
He returned the look, “Your hair is getting long.” it was fluffier these days, the back was basically a mullet at this point, flipping in different directions.  
“Does it look bad?” he asked as he placed a bible in the holder in front of Gil.  
“No.” he answered honestly.  
“My dear…” he said as he finished placing the books in their spots. That nickname was newer, something he used with increasing frequency. “I was just about to close up.”  
“Kicking me out?”  
“Only to my room.”   
Oh… come to think of it he’d never actually been in there. He didn’t even care to see it. Did he think he even wanted to? How stupid. He stood up, legs a bit wobbly, vision a bit swirly. “Alright.”  
Kirei locked the church doors and lead him to his one room apartment next door, it was ground floor, no windows, dark, depressing, dusty. No wonder he was hardly ever in there.  
“Nice place you got here.” he didn’t mask his sarcasm.   
There was a couch and a bookshelf but not even a TV. He looked over the books he had in his bookcase as Kirei removed his jacket and hung it up.   
“Priests are meant to live modestly.”  
“Modest?” he chuckled. “This place is worse than modest.”  
He took a seat on the old, probably thrifted, sofa as Kirei got changed in what he assumed to be his bedroom. “My sincerest apologies.” He didn’t sound sorry.  
He leaned his head back against the head of the sofa and looked at the wood ceiling, cobwebs stuck to the corners conjuring images of ghosts of spiders past, so he turned his gaze to the kitchen instead. It didn’t look very well used. The fridge looked like it was bought in 1991. Then again, it probably was.  
Kirei re-entered the room in a tee shirt and sweatpants—he’d never seen him looking that casual before—unless naked could be considered casual. “I’d offer you something to drink but I believe you’re intoxicated enough already.”  
So he had noticed. He was surprisingly intuitive at times—or maybe Gil was just that bad at hiding it?  
The couch sank down as he sat down next to his guest. “Couldn’t find trouble to get into at the bar?”  
It pissed him off that he knew what he had been doing. “Shut up, priest.”  
“Last week you’d been all beat up… you look better.”  
“It’s makeup.” He averted his gaze. Not that he was ashamed—he didn’t care he was being called out. He was mad about it. Mad that this kept happening and would probably keep happening because nothing excited him quite like Kirei did.   
That man was hollow, more of a weapon than a human. He was tall, extremely strong, and felt nothing except for when he killed. It was hot. He could kill Gil at any moment for no reason and it was fucking hot and he kept coming back and he was drunk and Enkidu was dead and right and he was self destructing and it made him so...  
damn   
Mad.  
He’d considered killing Kirei himself. Removing the cancer at the source—but it was obvious the conclusion he’d come to. He didn’t like him, god forbid love him, he didn’t. Because he didn’t love anyone, didn’t like anything, nothing was fun, life was boring without bloodshed. He’d left his fantastical dreams in his childhood and instead lived out fleeting emotionless nightmares.  
“So, why do you keep coming back?”   
He gritted his teeth. They wouldn’t leave him alone tonight would they? He could imagine them, sitting on the arm of the sofa, their long green hair would drape over their shoulders and they’d smile at him teasingly, eyes bright and alive. They’d wear something too big on their frame and borrow some of his gold jewelry.   
The last time he’d seen them they looked so frail. He hated remembering them like that. Like some living corpse, vomiting blood and bile.   
He bit his cheek so hard he could taste blood.  
“Get me more to drink.”  
Kirei’s face didn’t change much at his request. “I’d rather not clean up your sick again.”  
“I’m fine.” he scowled at him, dizzily making eye contact.  
His expression softened at that. “Somethings been bothering you lately.”  
He huffed and went to stand up but he was drunker than he realized, stumbling a bit and catching himself against the unoccupied arm of the sofa—but he was undaunted, heading for the kitchen. He just wanted to forget. It was so cliche and stupid and predictable but he wanted to forget.  
Kirei stopped him before he could reach the kitchen, putting an arm in front of him and pressing his back against the wall with a force that made a wooden cross that hung clatter against it’s bindings.   
He rolled his eyes. “Let me go.”  
“Gil.” was all he said with that blank expression and tone. “Do you want to tell me what’s bothering you?”  
“No.” he tried to get out of his grasp and failed, Kirei’s oppressive eyes leered into him, expectant. He didn’t want to tell him about them, he didn’t deserve to even hear their name. If he couldn’t drink more to forget he’d change his strategy, sex worked too.  
He grabbed Kirei by the part of his hair that he’d let grow longer and tried to kiss him—but he resisted.  
“Kirei…” he didn’t mean to sound as needy as he did, he was going more for anger but intoxication had apparently distorted it. “Come on…”  
Behind him he felt his nails dig into the faded wood paneling, Kirei huffed—he was usually weak to this sort of thing, he trailed his hand from Gil’s shoulder to his neck, still holding him against the wall.   
He allowed it, tilting his head back. Kirei was the only one he’d allow the privilege to touch him like that. “I don’t want to talk about it. We’re not that type of couple—” Couple?! He nearly choked on his words. It’s not like it wasn’t partially true. Even if Gil was allowed to run around and fuck whoever he wanted and disappear for weeks… it was just the first time either of them had acknowledged it. He couldn’t let Kirei know that he’d shocked himself a bit there though, no, just play it off. “We don’t talk things out, we don’t fix one another.”   
Kirei smiled as his hand flexed around Gil’s throat. “I think you fixed me.”  
Gil laughed, letting out a breath. “Break me.” His head was swimming, he was way past the point where he was careful around the priest and he hadn’t found that trouble he was looking for at the bar so Kirei may as well provide some. “Hit me.” The priest looked a bit surprised but not uninterested—every time they fucked it was rough, but Kirei had never actually hit him—he’d hit Kirei a few times but that was different. “Father…” he only ever used that one when he really wanted something, and it almost always worked. “Show me my place.”  
He let go of his neck and gripped his jaw instead. “You’re sure?”  
“Don’t feign reluctance. I’m telling you to do something, that means I’m sure of it.”  
A faint smile pulled at the edges of the older man’s mouth, Gil doubted he’d continue the banter. He was always treated like royalty in Kirei’s presence—well, except for when he asked not to be. The priest kept his true cruelty at bay in the presence of his “king” for the most part, always careful not to take anything too far or anger him too badly and run the risk of losing something so transparently precious to him.   
Right now, all Gil craved was something to quiet his thoughts—it was fine to allow Kirei’s darker side the privilege of a little playtime every once in a while like this  
A sharp sting, a slap that carried some weight behind it but not enough, likely a test of sorts.  
He chuckled, unamused. “Is that all you—”  
He was cut off, gasping, doubled over—a hit to the stomach was a bit low but he did ask for this after all, the drunkness helped to dull it a bit but the room was spinning a little more violently now.   
Kirei was a passive bystander in it all, observing his pain as though he were examining something he couldn’t quite comprehend. That was so infuriating about him, how he seemed like he was so far away no matter how close he was. So he threw a punch of his own, which was dodged—he looked amused. It was a pretty shitty punch actually, so he tried again—and kept trying.   
When the night had begun Gil had expected to just have a boring night out—now here he was fighting a priest in his own home, and the damn priest was winning. Isn’t this what he had wanted? A fight? Some pain? His ears rang after a particularly well timed hit—it’d be funny to say they rang like church bells, wouldn’t it? But they didn’t even ring loud enough to drown out that persistent ache that wouldn’t go away.  
He got Kirei good—once, twice. That would leave a mark. It had better. He was losing steam now, was pretty sure his nose was bleeding and his knuckles were bruised, he let himself be pinned face-first against the wall, cheek pressing against the cool paneling, Kirei had a fistfull of his hair keeping him in place.   
His heart was beating hard, through the haze of pain and alcohol his thoughts were finally fading. “Fuck me like this.”  
And Kirei did. Right there against the wall while his nose bled onto his expensive clothes that meant jack shit to him. Finally, mind numbing sensation, friction, pain, everything he needed. It was all a blur and he couldn’t form any sort of thought and it was perfect.   
That blur of pain eventually gave way to pleasure and all that came with it—and then it was over, leaving heavy breathing and shaking legs and haziness.   
Gil didn’t even remember how he ended up in Kirei’s bed beside him. He was wearing different clothes, cleaned up, Kirei must have done that. The sheets were rough and cheap and smelled like him, it was weirdly humanizing.   
He hated sharing a bed—especially such a small one. Being against the wall didn’t help either, literally being stuck between a rock and a hard place. He shifted about, trying to find some sort of comfort, the mattress felt about as hard as the wall, so that was nearly impossible, not to mention the hangover.  
Kirei shifted beside him, he must have woken him up with all the writhing. What time was it anyway? He wasn’t even sure where his phone was to check. He feigned sleep instead, laying still, facing the wall and faking some heavy breathing. He wasn’t ready to hear Kirei’s stupid deep voice scolding him for drinking so much or whatever the hell he was about to say, it would only make his head hurt more—his legs too for that matter, fuck, his whole body hurt.  
He stayed like that for a bit, thinking maybe Kirei had fallen back asleep as well until he felt a hand in his hair, surprisingly gentle for once, petting and stroking him like the cat he was.  
This was weird. Kirei wasn’t affectionate, let alone gentle—then again, people could change. The priest had changed so much already, maybe this was just part of it.   
He didn’t like it, but he let it continue. The room was dark and cold, but with Kirei pressed against him like this it was warm.   
A gentle moment, relaxing.  
Neither one of them deserved this. Which one of them was worse than the other? Was there really an answer to that? Gil had been the one to make Kirei into what he was now. Did that make him worse?   
It didn’t actually matter who was worse. They were above everyone else anyway, the worms below them were only fit to entertain them whenever they so desire, right?  
They were killers, both of them, they were brutal, empty, and irredeemable. One in the same, a match made in heaven.   
In the Bible, God killed millions. It’s said that man is created in his image, right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OK THATS EVERYTHING.......... i deleted this a while ago because I got self conscious but i decided that it was worth reuploading so..... enjoy idk. lol.


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